


Keepin' It Vaguely Imaginary

by Meh_forget_it



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2011-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:51:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meh_forget_it/pseuds/Meh_forget_it
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is lucky enough to get his dream job upon graduating as a fully qualified psychiatrist. He's also lucky enough to have a best friend insane enough to follow him half way across the country to go to said job. His luck runs out on his first day, it would seem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the product of a mildly panicked and insane conversation on Twitter. It started with the vague idea of 'Jared could be a psychiatrist' and ended with 'Misha has to be the insane boss!'. Somewhere in the middle, a vague plot was actually decided upon. Be warned for OOCness!
> 
> Also, if you’d like to know what the feck I was thinking when I came up with this version of Jensen, or would just like to know what it’s like to have Jensen’s mind… just listen to some Prodigy music for a wee while… you’ll soon see. *snort*

Keeping it Vaguely Imaginary

Part One

Jared felt like he was practically floating on air, he was that happy. He knew he probably looked like he was on drugs or something because of the wide grin on his face. Walking to the stop where he caught his normal bus to get home, Jared quickly tapped in the number to the house he shared with Jensen in to his phone and waited for the man to answer.

He and Jensen had met in their freshman year of college and, after a small rocky start in which Jared thought Jensen was a complete douche and that he wanted nothing to do with the man, they soon became best of friends. And that hadn’t changed since. Jared could honestly say that he was closer to Jensen than anyone else he knew, including most of his family.

Of course, being his best friend didn’t mean Jared was blind to Jensen’s ways. He was well aware that his friend was completely and utterly insane. There was no other way to describe the man. Jared’s best friend was more than a few colours short of a rainbow. Unless you counted Jensen’s hair. Something that changed colour so often, Jared actually had a bet going with their other friend, Chris, about when Jensen’s hair would give up the ghost and drop out.

His assessment of Jensen’s sanity - or lack of - was back up when Jensen finally answered the phone. Actually, Jared was fairly certain Jensen only kept him around so he could stop him from getting committed. The man had looked a little unbalanced in his glee when Jared had changed his major to psychiatry. He was definitely reconsidering helping Jensen out when the day came with how the man answered their home phone.

 _"Acklecki household, Jensen speaking."_ There were times that Jared just couldn't withhold the sigh that came from talking to his best friend. Now was one of them.

"Acklecki, Jensen? Really?"

 _"It was that or Padackles,"_ Jensen said, and Jared just knew he had shrugged.

"So the choice between sounding like a disease and sounding like some sort of corrective footwear?" Jared asked, flashing his student pass to the driver as he stepped on the bus to go home, ignoring the baffled look the bus driver shot at him for his comment to Jensen. Not really all that an unusual look sent to Jared during these moments.

 _"Well, when you put it like that… So! What you calling for, Jay? Don't you have a final today?"_

"It's finished. Just calling to see if you had any plans for tonight. And to see how the 'next great novel' is going."

 _"Nope, no plans for tonight. And I've actually managed to write about two thousand words!"_

"Uh huh. How many if you take out your tweets?"

 _"Three hundred and forty seven."_

"Huh, going well then? So tonight! Want to get something to eat in? I have some news to tell you."

 _"I'm all intrigued, Padalecki. Sure, chinese? I fancy chinese. We haven't had that for a while."_

"We had it the week before last."

 _"Exactly! Ages ago!"_

"Sure, Jen. Well I'm on my way home now, so I'll get back in about twenty minutes."

 _"Okay, Oh! Your mom called. She may think we're married, not too sure why she got that impression. You might want to talk to her about that."_

"Right. Great. Just what I always wanted to do. Explain that I'm not married to my best friend. Gotta go, Jen. Bye."

* * *

Jared had always been a little anti-social as a child, it wasn’t that people didn’t like him. More like, he didn’t like them. Which was why most people were confused when he decided to go down the psychiatry route.

His defence was that at least mentally unstable people had something interesting to talk about. Even if they were the only ones who could see it or believed in it. Still interesting.

They also didn’t particularly care if their doctor was socially inept and had a strange fascination with glitter - Jensen was right about that one. How he managed to pretend to be straight for as long as he had was a mystery.

So all through his school years, Jared hadn’t really made any friends, nor had he tried. Well, according to his mother he’d had an imaginary fruit bat called Tooty when he was five, but he didn’t think that counted.

Jared could see the fringe benefits of having friends, he just didn’t really see the point of keeping them around once they’d fulfilled their purpose. In Jared’s head, it was kinda like hamsters. They were cute and for the first week or so, they were fun to have around and kept the kid quiet. But then it began to smell, became a chore and didn’t actually do anything of any use.

Jared had never been allowed to have pets either. Well, until he had turned seventeen and had requested a dog. Jared’s parents had finally agreed once Jared had given a very in depth presentation on why he wanted a dog, why he thought it would benefit him and then the schedule he’d set up for walks.

Mr and Mrs Padalecki hadn’t expected their son to come back out with two dogs when they gave him permission and took him to the pound. Two rather large dogs. Large, rambunctious, excitable dogs.

Neither one could turn him back though when they actually saw their son interacting with the two animals in a normal, human manner.

His parents had switched between concerned and not so often that Jared thought they’d probably heaved a huge sigh of relief when he’d gone to college and had actually made a few acquaintances. Though they probably could have done without being lumbered with the two beasts Jared called 'puppies'.

When Jared arrived at Harvard University, he had gone there to hopefully be surrounded by like minded individuals who preferred to study and be completely ignorant to anyone that wasn’t important to the greater scheme in life. I.e, succeeding in their career path. He’d chosen Harvard - partly because he didn’t get in to Stanford - because he didn’t think he’d be forced to make friends and party just so he didn’t look like a freak and become a social recluse.

It was safe to say Jared was a bit naive.

It was also safe to say that Jared got a bit of a shock upon getting to Harvard and meeting the first of his soon to be many roommates.

Apparently people found him a little difficult to live with. Not because he was lazy, messy, unpleasant or any other reason normally given. More because he unnerved them and had the tendency to analyse them. Jared was a bit of an oddball once one got to know him and/or had to live with him for an extended period.

It was three weeks into his Freshman year and his fifth roommate, that he met Jensen. Jensen Ackles was the best friend of Jared’s newest roommate, Christian Kane.

Chris was a couple of years older than both Jared and Jensen, the rooming office having decided that placing a third year student with a first year student was worth it if it meant either one would keep a roommate for longer than a week.

Apparently Chris had the same luck Jared had with roommates. A month later, and admin were breathing silent sighs of relief when it looked like the two troublesome students had cancelled one another’s weirdness out. Or just ignored one another. No one cared which, just that Jared Padalecki and Christian Kane had finally managed to keep a roommate. They had seemingly found someone that could tolerate them.

Behind the closed door was another story however. Not that Jared and Chris didn’t get on. More like they were polar opposites and had decided to let the other go about their lives without actually getting involved. For one, Chris actually had friends. Something that was a completely foreign concept to Jared, who only had passing acquaintances with people in his classes in case he should ever have to work on a group project or something.

And that was how he’d met Jensen. Who was… actually, Jared still had no idea what he viewed Jensen as when he’d first met. Besides being a bit of a douche and on the fast track to ECT. Jared had never asked Jensen what he had thought of Jared either. He was damn certain that he didn’t want to know.

In the same way that his parents couldn’t turn both of Jared’s dogs away upon seeing the affect they had on their son, neither of Jared’s parents could dislike Jensen and make Jared give him back to his original owner - Chris - because Jensen had slowly, but surely made Jared become more open and human. Though it possibly came at the cost of losing what little sanity he had left.

Jared would admit to feeling a little guilty about that. But only a little. It wasn’t like he was completely to blame. Jensen was hardly packing a full picnic basket in the first place.

Still, Jared knew his parents loved Jensen because of how he made Jared seem a little more socially acceptable. He also knew that his little sister, Megan, only loved Jensen because she had a crush on him. Something that put the fear of god into the hearts of his parents.

Sure, they loved Jensen, but they were also fully aware that they didn’t want their baby girl involved with someone that batshit insane. Jared and his older brother whole-heartedly agreed.

When it came time to make living arrangements for their second year, it wasn’t too difficult for Jared and Jensen to decide to room together. A decision that gave much relief to the boarding office, given Christian Kane had finally graduated and thus wouldn’t be a solution to the Padalecki Problem (capitals completely deserved).

Since then, Jared and Jensen have lived together every year and Jared wouldn’t have had it any other way. Even if he still didn’t like other people. Jensen told hi to claim he was shy.

Apparently shy people were more accepted that ignorant fuckers who just didn’t like many people and didn’t understand the reason behind having friends. Jared could see his point, which was why he played at the coy, shy act a lot. Having dimples and generally looking adorable really helps that. Chris claimed it was a shame he was gay.

Actually, Chris was amazed Jared wasn’t still a virgin, given meeting men was the only time Jared actually _was_ shy. Both Jared and Jensen had agreed to never tell Chris that they’d actually slept together and that was possibly the only reason Jared wasn’t still a virgin.

Now, Jared sleeping with Jensen wasn’t a drunken mistake, like most claimed when they admitted to sleeping with their best friend - or barely tolerated acquaintance as they were at the time - and nor was it really hate sex or anything like that. Jared just wanted to know what all the fuss about sex was - he still had no idea, it was just messy and made it uncomfortable to sit on the seats in his lectures - and Jensen wanted to see what being gay was all about - apparently tighter than a female, but Jared was disappointingly lacking breasts.

So really, it was just experimenting, which ended with Jared not entirely fussed about getting laid again - battery operated toys seemed less messy - and Jensen declaring that he’d sleep with any one, but would prefer they had breasts. Something that baffled everyone but Jared, given Jensen declared this whilst rip-roaringly drunk and in a bar with all their friends. Steve had dryly stated that maybe a ladyboy would be best for Jensen.

Jensen was a little too eager about that.

Jared wonders though, if that night was when he and Jensen finally started becoming more than tolerant of the other. It certainly did for Jared. Having someone’s cock up your ass made you view them in a different light, after all.

It was thoughts like that, though, that made Jared wonder if he was possibly a little autistic. It would explain a lot.

* * *

Jared unlocked the door to the house he shared with Jensen, shoving the stiff door with his shoulder when it stuck a little. He hated that door. It had been like that since he and Jensen had moved into the place in their third year of college. That was over five years ago and neither one had actually gotten around to doing anything about it. Hopefully now, though, they wouldn’t have to.

"Jen? You home?"

"Where exactly do you think I would have gone since your call?" Jensen asked, walking out from their shared office. Jared shrugged as he toed his shoes off and then turned and gaped when he saw Jensen’s hair.

"Magenta?"

"What? What are you talking about?" Jensen asked him, looking confused as he nibbled the died pink skin around his nails. Jared was fairly certain that one day, Jensen would remember that he’d still need the gloves to rinse his hair out after he’d applied it in the first place.

"Your hair. You’ve died it magenta?"

"Magenta, Jared? How did you pretend to be straight for the first eighteen years of your life again?" Jensen asked him with an amused smirk on his face. Jared felt his own face flush, before he scowled at Jensen, yanking at his tie as he brushed past him and to the living room.

"Done anything interesting today?" Jared asked, knowing that Jensen would be following behind him like a lost puppy. Which was ironic, given Jared was the one most often compared to a puppy. People really needed to see Jensen when he was either sleepy or clingy. Or any time he wasn’t out of the house around people they didn’t know, actually.

"Chris rang, wanted to know if we were ever going to go up and visit him and Steve. Told him you’d just graduated, so we’d wait until we knew what you were going to be doing," Jensen told him and Jared jumped a little, not actually expecting the man to be standing right behind him.

Though Jensen’s answer did give him the perfect opening to tell Jensen what is was he wanted to share. Needed to, in fact.

"That’s cool, Jen. So… funny you should have said that to Chris. I kinda know what I’m gonna be doing. Maybe," Jared said, running his hand through his hair nervously. He threw himself down on the sofa with a small groan of relief and smiled when he felt Jensen sit down next to him, throwing his legs over Jared’s.

"Maybe? You wanna share with the club, Jay?" Jensen asked him, already sounding relaxed and sleepy, which made Jared wonder just how late Jensen was up the night before.

"I got a job offer. Working under one of the top psychiatrists in the state," Jared admitted, yelping when he fell off the couch as Jensen performed a move that baffled Jared’s mind and then flung himself at him. They both landed on the floor with a small 'umf' and Jared started up at Jensen in a daze.

"That’s awesome, Jay!" Jensen told him, smiling widely down at him. Jared smiled back and then sighed, giving Jensen a nudge for him to let them get up off the floor. Groaning and moving back to the sofa, Jared slouched down and glanced over at Jensen. "Is it not great?"

"No, it is. It’s awesome. It’s just… the psych isn’t the best in _this_ state," Jared mumbled, looking anywhere but at Jensen.

"What? So… the job you’ve been offered is in another state? Which one? Why aren’t you looking at me? Do you really hate my pink hair that much?" Jensen asked him, and when Jared looked over at him, he was grinning triumphantly. Jared just scowled at him and shoved his shoulder.

"It’s magenta, dick. And it makes you look even more like a girl. Chris is going to rib you for it and call you Jenny even more," Jared muttered, scowling at Jensen.

"You think I won’t have dyed it another colour by the time we go to see Chris? Come on, he’s all the way back in Texas. So… where’s this job offer?"

"Texas."

"What?!" Jensen yelped, staring at Jared in shock. Jared just smiled nervously and shrugged. He really wanted Jensen to go with him, but would have understood if he didn’t want to. Texas wasn’t exactly Jensen’s favourite place to go to, given he’d ran from there in the first place and hadn’t stopped until he’d gotten to college in Boston. It was the main reason he hadn’t bitten the hand off of Doctor Morgan as soon as he’d gotten the job offer.

"Yeah, the job offer was for a hospital in Dallas. I… I didn’t accept it," Jared admitted with a shrug, and was stunned when Jensen smacked the back of his head.

"What the hell did you do that for! Tell me you didn’t outright turn them down! You at least told them you’d think about it, right?!" Jensen practically shrieked, and Jared winced a little at the high pitch.

"Yeah, I said I’d think about it and get back to them at the end of the week."

"Jay, why the fuck didn’t you take the offer straight away?"

"Didn’t know if you’d wanna go back to Texas and, not to sound as codependent as people accuse us of being, I didn’t wanna go somewhere if you weren’t gonna come with me," Jared mumbled, feeling a blush rise from his neck at having to admit that. Jensen just chuckled and moved so that he could pull Jared into a hug.

"Jay, course I’m gonna follow you! You can’t get rid of me! So Texas, huh? Guess I’ll have some excitin’ news to give to Chris then when I call him back tomorrow. Hey! We gonna stop by your parents on our way to Dallas, collect your dogs?"

"We could do that? You wouldn’t mind?"

"Dude! They love me! Why would I mind about that? They love me more than they love you! I’m awesome! So we grab Sadie and Harley on the way to Dallas? Think your parents would let us crash at theirs that night?"

"You think they’d let us leave? I don’t think we’re going to have a choice in the matter," Jared mumbled, snuggling close to Jensen and closing his eyes tiredly. "So you’re gonna come with me?"

"Of course I am! You’d never survive without me! First thing tomorrow, you’re gonna call up your new boss and tell him you’ve accepted their offer, deal?" Jensen asked him, pushing Jared away from him a little so that he could look him in the eye. Jared yawned and then nodded, smiling at Jensen.

"Deal. You’re awesome."

"I know! We’ve established that," Jensen said with a chuckle, shifting so that they both laid down on the sofa. Pretty hard considering they were both over six foot. "Congratulations, Jay."

"Mmm."

 

* * *

Jared groaned silently as he stood outside of Jensen’s room - soon to be old room. Waking Jensen up so that they could leave for the long haul trip to Texas was going to be a chore. More so because it was before noon and Jensen was a demon before noon. What was worse, was that they’d stupidly packed up the coffee maker with all their other furniture and had sent it to their new house. That was the reason they were sleeping in sleeping bags.

Another reason Jensen was going to be demonic and why Jared was still hovering outside of Jensen’s room, listening to Jensen snore.

Steeling himself, Jared straightened his back and then completely contradicted why he was entering the room in the first place by carefully opening the door and making sure to make no noise. Though that soon ended when he noticed Jensen had been holding out on him and was fast asleep on a damned blow up bed. Jared still winced in pain from having to sleep on a hard floor. Jensen could have shared.

Pouting and not feeling guilty in the least anymore, Jared grabbed one of Jensen’s shoes, made sure he was by the door, and threw the shoe at Jensen. An angry, jumbled yell told Jared that Jensen was indeed now awake and now was the time to get out of the firing line of the shoe. It possibly wasn’t the best idea in the world to give Jensen any projectiles when waking him.

"What the hell do you want?!" Jensen roared at him, a dull thud told Jared that Jensen had indeed thrown the show back in Jared’s general direction. Or at least, where Jared had been standing.

"You need to wake up! We’ve gotta get on the road!" Jared called through the door, still not feeling safe to enter the room.

"So nudge me awake! Don’t concuss me, you fucker!"

"I tried, you didn’t hear me over the drilling noise that you call snoring!" Jared felt no shame in lying. He had to stay in a car with Jensen for the next two or so days.

"I don't snore!"

"Oh no, of course you don't. No, I just spent the last five minutes trying to retract the curtains from your mouth for no reason. You sound like two rhinos mating in a bag of chips," Jared drawled, smirking as he imagined the glare Jensen was shooting at the door. A shuffling from the other side of the door made Jared aware that Jensen was now moving around.

"Still didn’t need to lob a shoe at my head!" Jensen called out to him, grumbling something under his breath that Jared couldn’t make out. He guessed it was probably something not complimentary to him.

"It’s pay back for lying about having a blow up bed, Jerk! I had to sleep on the floor!! I’ve got aches in places I didn’t even know I had!" Jared scowled when the only response to that was Jensen cackling.

"I slept like a baby!"

"Yeah? Well if a baby snored like you, I’d put it up for adoption! Or at the very least sell it to science!"

"I don’t snore!!!"

* * *

It was at least forty minutes before Jared finally forced Jensen to stop preening and get in the damned car. Then another ten minutes of putting up with Jensen bitching, moaning and whining about the lack of caffeine before Jared gave in and took them to a nearby Starbucks and let Jensen get his damned coffee.

Nearly an hour after Jared had woken Jensen up, and they were finally on their way to San Antonio. Only thirty minutes behind schedule. Jared classed it as a win. Though he was regretting letting Jensen go into Starbucks alone as he was now eating muffins in the most obscene way possible.

"Oh, come on! Share with me!"

"Nope! You should have stopped scowling at the road and come in with me if you’d wanted something. I had no idea you’d be hungry," Jensen told him, then moaned loudly as he took a bite of his second muffin.

"I’m always hungry! Jensen! Share!"

"Nope. Tough luck, Jared. Man, you’re missing out on some delicious muffins," Jensen added, finishing the muffin and then licking his fingers slowly. He smirked over at Jared and pulled another muffin out of the bag.

"How many did you buy?!" Jared exclaimed, wondering what the possibility of him actually succeeding was if he just reached out and grabbed the muffin. Given the looks Jensen was shooting him, not very high.

"A few."

"Give me one!"

"No!!"

"I’m driving!!" Jared reminded him, and he knew Jensen was looking at him incredulously.

"So?"

"I literally hold our lives in my hands! Give me a muffin or I’m letting go of the wheel and killing us!! Or maiming us at least!! Ooh, look Jen! Eighteen wheeler heading our way, think we’ll survive?" Jared asked, smirking and taking his hands of the wheel. He cackled mentally when Jensen actually shrieked at him.

"Jared! You’re insane! Fine! Have a fucking muffin! I’m so telling your mom about this!!"

* * *

It was about ten hours and three rest stops later that Jensen declared he was too tired to carry on any longer and that they should pull in to the next motel they come across and sleep. A plan Jared was fully down with.

"This one looks fine, let’s see if it has any room and then just sleep because I don’t know about you, but I’m seriously exhausted," Jared said, pointing to a motel they were approaching. Jensen nodded and soon pulled in to park outside the main office of the motel. Jared silently prayed they had rooms for them.

"I’ll go get us some rooms, you grab our bags, yeah?" Jensen said, climbing out of the car before Jared could even answer. He just nodded silently and watched Jensen walk into the office before deciding to move and grab their bags. Really, he wondered just how much of a clutz Jensen thought he was to think it would take him so long to actually get their bags.

He completely contradicted that thought moments later when he slammed his head up into the truck cover and started cursing profusely under his breath and hop around for the whole time it took for Jensen to get their rooms. Jared froze in his flailing and cursing when he saw the amused look on Jensen’s face.

"What?! It hurt!" Jared whined, rubbing the back of his head and pouting. Jensen just snickered and then held up a key. Just one. Which made Jared make a whining noise once more. "Why’s there only one?"

"Only one room left, Honeybunches!" Jensen told him with a smirk, sliding over to Jared and pinching his ass. Which just made Jared yelp, jump and bang his head on the car trunk once more.

"Fuck! Dammit, Jensen! Leave me alone! You’re mean! And if you keep telling people we’re married, I’m either gonna claim spousal abuse, or point the hoards of angry, pitchfork wielding homophobes in your direction!" Jared snapped, pouting and crossing his arms over his chest. Jensen just gasped in mock pain and clutched at his chest.

"You wound me, Jared! Right here!! In my heart!! You don’t love me anymore!! Anyway, I don’t see what the problem is, we’ve shared rooms for years!"

"You snore!!"

"No I don’t, dammit!! Stop saying that! Someone will hear and believe you!!"

"They’ll hear and believe me alright! Tonight! When they’ll actually have valid concern that the foundations might crumble!" Jared exclaimed, arms pinwheeling around and just getting more and more frustrated when Jensen just watched in amusement.

"I’ll just blame you. People will believe me more. I’m prettier."

* * *

Jared sighed as Jensen fidgeted and fiddled with the radio once again. He tightened his grip of the wheel just so that he didn’t reach out and hit Jensen, or smack his hands away in a move so reminiscent of his grandmother than Jared was a little ashamed he’d even considered it.

He glanced over at Jensen when he paused on a station playing a rap song of some sort and Jensen scoffed. Really, Jared was more shocked that they had found a station playing rap of any kind this close to Texas.

"What’s wrong now?" Jared asked through a sigh, just knowing he was going to regret the answer.

"This! They’re all about keeping it real. Gotta keep it real! Keeping it real," Jensen scoffed and made an obscene gesture at the radio, like there was an actual mini rapper in there, "Just once I’d like to hear someone say 'keepin' it vaguely imaginary'"

"I… have no idea what goes on in your mind sometimes, you know that? You’re really quite odd."

"So says the man who prefers to talk to people who see imaginary shit just because they’re more interesting. Yeah, you can talk," Jensen muttered sullenly and Jared couldn’t help but wonder if he should probably leave Jensen alone for a while.

"Okay, fine. So… why are we listening to rap again?"

"We’re not! I just paused on this station and then wondered why they have to keep everything real! There is nothing wrong with a little imagination! Someone should tell them that!" Jensen exclaimed, flailing around wildly and making Jared worry that he might get hit by a stray limb.

"Right, rap is bad, they have no respect for the imagination and all deserve to be shot or hung. Got ya. Think we could maybe change station now? Or at least put in a damned tape or something?"

"That’s another thing, Jay. Why do you still have a tape deck in this? Even _Chris_ no longer uses tapes. You need to upgrade or something. It’s sad," Jensen informed him with a sorry shake of his head, making Jared shift to scowl at him.

"You wanna contribute to buying a CD player, then be my guest," Jared said with a wave of his hand in the direction of the radio. Jensen just made a small noise that pretty much gave Jared his answer. "Exactly."

"Maybe we could make Chris pay for it," Jensen said after they’d passed the Texas border in silence. Jared snorted and shrugged awkwardly.

"Or you could give up some of the cash towards one from whatever you get from Chris for your next song?" Jared suggested, finally reaching over and changing the station to something other than hip hop.

"Good idea. Fine, I’ll do that. Now drive, JayJayBean! I wanna get to your parents place sometime this week! I’m jonesin for some of Mama P’s pie!" Jensen claimed, licking his lips and rubbing his stomach. Jared just rolled his eyes and upped his speed a little.

"What’s to say she’s made pie?"

"Please!" Jensen scoffed, "I’m coming! She’ll have made pie! She loves me! I make you less weird!"

"I think that’s relative. Actually, I think I’m still weird just not as weird as you."

"Well, that’s obvious. I’m spectacular in my weirdness. Don’t knock it," Jensen told him, shaking his finger at him. Jared burst into laughter and shook his head, he was glad Jensen had agreed to coming with him. He hadn’t been joking. There was no way he would have taken the job had Jensen not said he’d move back to Texas with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two

After having managed to escape the clutches of his insane and somewhat over-exuberant family - and really, Jared sometimes wondered if he was adopted - Jared and Jensen finally got to the house they had bought - well, rented with plans to buy - with the help of some brilliant and impressive searching skills from Chris and Steve. The five hour drive from San Antonio to Dallas was spent with Jensen flinching every time a truck drove past and making aborted moves to grab the steering wheel each time Jared flailed, scratched his nose or just removed one hand from said steering wheel.

It actually made Jared get increasingly more and more on edge each hour that passed and they both gave a sigh of relief when they finally pulled into the driveway of their new house. Really, Jared wanted to get out of the car and stretch his legs. And possibly slam Jensen’s nervous, shrieky head into the doorframe as they entered the house.

"Finally here. So… Dallas," Jared muttered, looking through the window up at the house before turning to look at Jensen. Who still looked like he was about to be sick.

Which was worrying.

"Yeah… Dallas."

"Jen?"

"Hmm?" Jensen blinked slowly and turned to look at Jared, still having a vague glazed look about him. Jared bit down on his lip and frowned in concern.

"Jensen, are you alright?" Jared asked cautiously, because really, you never knew when Jensen was just going to take off on a high-pitched rant that made little to no sense at all and you got caught in the crossfire of flailing arms. Jared could do without starting his new job with a black eye courtesy of Jensen’s flailing. Though, the small shrug and tiny, almost inaudible huff that he actually got was a little disturbing. And highly disconcerting.

"I’m just… it’s Dallas, Jared," Jensen muttered, biting on his bottom lip. Jared winced mentally and moved in his seat to throw his arms around Jensen - hugging in a car wasn’t quite as comfortable as Jared might have considered it could be, but he smiled when he felt Jensen relax into his arms and slowly move to return the hug.

What Jared had learnt about Jensen as he was first getting the know the man, was that he didn’t seem to have contact with his family, he never went home to visit them during the holidays and he never spoke about them. Jared asked Chris at first, but had been told not to push and that if Jensen was going to tell him, then he would.

Jared, not being the most patient of people and certainly not being used to having friends and thus having to be conscious of not hurting them in any way, wasn’t too sure that was a good idea. But he’d agreed absently, and he also didn’t want to get his ass kicked by Chris were he to upset Jensen.

It hadn’t been until Jared and Jensen had been living together for almost five months that Jared had finally been told what Jensen’s family issues were. In their second year of college, Jared had ask - or rather, forced - Jensen to go home with him over Christmas. Jared hadn’t actually realised that one of Jensen’s issues was with the entire state of Texas.

On the plane back to Texas was when Jensen had told Jared why it was that he never went home. Apparently, Jensen didn’t have a home to go to outside of Boston. Jared was told that Jensen’s family had been in an accident. Jensen had been away on a trip with the school he went to when it had happened. To this day, Jared wasn’t entirely sure what that was, but all Jared felt he needed to to know was that, by the time Jensen had returned from his school trip, he had no family left. At the age of seventeen, Jensen lost his family, and was granted emancipation seeing as he only had two months until he turned eighteen anyway.

Jared knew - unlike any of their other friends, who only knew the vaguest of details - that Jensen had never sold the family home, he’d just locked it and had never returned when he left for college. He also knew that Jensen had apparently decided he would never return to Dallas again.

Which was why Jared had been stunned and actually moved when Jensen had willingly agreed to go to move back there just because Jared had a job opportunity there. It was even more shocking considering they hadn’t even gone back to Dallas to visit when Steve and Chris had moved there to live.

So now, now that they were actually _in_ Dallas, Jared worried that Jensen had possibly not really allowed himself to think about the consequences of what he’d agreed to. And even though he was a psychiatrist, it didn’t actually mean Jared knew how to make anything better with regards to Jensen.

"Jen? You wanna go into the house, have a look around? Or… or do you wanna just say fuck it and head back to Boston? I’m good with either idea," Jared admitted with a small smile when he felt, rather than heard, Jensen chuckle.

"Don’t think you can be a pussy and wimp out of this and then blame it on me, Padalecki," Jensen muttered, pulling back from the hug and looking at Jared with narrowed eyes. "Come on, let’s go unpack. Dunno about you, but I’m exhausted and just want to sleep for a week."

"At least you can. I’ve got work on Monday. I will totally admit to being completely shit scared. What if I completely fuck it up, Jen?" Jared asked, climbing out of the car and following Jensen to the back so they could grab their bags.

"Then you completely fuck it up and _then_ we can tuck tail and run back to Boston. But before we do that, you have to at least give it a chance, okay? I refuse to take the blame for our fleeing. We can only do so when it is utterly apparent that it’s your fault, got that?" Jensen said as he grabbed a couple of bags of his own stuff, watching Jared choose what bags he clearly needed to take in first.

"Fine fine. I understand. If we leave, it has to be because I’m a fuck up."

"You’re not a fuck up, Jared. You’re socially retarded. There’s a difference. Now, stop being all depressing and emo, and lets get in the house." With that, Jensen turned on his heels and walked to the house, unlocking it and standing in the doorway. Jared grabbed his bags and hurried over to Jensen, both of them walking into their new house for the first time.

"Huh… not that bad. Chris and Steve did good. Shame they refused to unpack all our stuff for us, dicks," Jared muttered, staring in the large front room at all of their furniture piled haphazardly into the room.

"We refused to pay them. Did your mom say that she’d bring the dogs down on Saturday?" Jensen asked as he turned away from the front room and instead started to make his way up the stairs. Jared, realising that Jensen was now in the perfect place to have first dibs on the bedrooms, cursed under his breath and hurried to follow Jensen up the stairs.

"Yep. So we have two days to make the house at least habitable before my mom comes along and tells us we’re hopeless or something equally as cruel and demeaning. Think we’ll manage it?"

"Not a chance, but at least we won’t disappoint your mother by robbing her of a chance to mock and belittle us, so there is that. Now, because you were a complete and absolute bastard on the way over, I have rights to the best room in the house. Fair?" Jensen asked, turning to stop in the hallway between the doors to the two bedrooms.

"What? No! Not fair! Not fair at all!" Jared exclaimed, doing his best impression of his four year old nephew and only just holding himself back from dropping to the ground and kicking his legs in protest.

Only just.

Judging by the smug look on Jensen’s face, he knew that too, the bastard.

"Tough. I want this room and remember, Jared. I know all your dirty little secrets and your mother will be coming over in a couple of days time. Do you really want that hanging over your head?" Jensen asked him, a wide - and evil - smirk on his face. Jared just huffed, and shook his head, though deep down was just happy to see Jensen seemingly out of his funk and getting used to the fact that they were living in Texas. Actually, Jared knew he’d have agreed to whatever rooming arrangements Jensen wanted just as a secret thanks for him moving here with Jared and he was pretty sure Jensen was aware of that.

"Fine, have that room. Just know, I’ll… I’ll have really loud sex in my room," Jared declared childishly - sure, he and Jensen both knew Jared would have agreed to anything Jensen asked for, didn’t mean Jared was going to say that out loud - and was greeted with near hysterical laughter from Jensen as he dropped his bags to the floor to clutch at his stomach.

"With who?! Yourself?! Oh, Jay, you say the most amusing things at times." Jensen shook his head in amusement, still chuckling lightly as he picked up his bags once more. Jared just huffed and pouted pitifully.

"I could sleep with someone!"

"Sure you could. The noise you’d be making would be you bitching and moaning about the mess and inconvenience of it all," Jensen told him with a snicker, pushing the door to his new room open with his foot and taking a step inside.

"Shut up! I… it’s messy!" Jared exclaimed with a huff, scowling at Jensen’s back as he shook his head and walked into his room, cackle being muffled only slightly when the door shut behind him. "Jerk."

"Heard that!" Jared pouted, but pushed the door to his own new room open and walked in, dropping his bags against the wall by the door and looking around the empty room with a small smile. It wasn’t all that small, luckily and had a large bay window with a padded bench seat across it.

Jared wondered what Jensen’s room looked like, and decided that, given he really didn’t have anything better to do, he’d go bug Jensen and find out. Of course, he did - technically - have something better to do, for one he should probably make a start in getting his bedroom furniture up the stairs.

But, he’d probably need Jensen’s help for that anyway, so technically going to bug Jensen wouldn’t be procrastinating, but rather… moving things along. Possibly.

Giving a short knock on the door, Jared didn’t bother waiting for Jensen to let him in, instead just pushed the door open and walked in. He frowned when he saw Jensen standing at his own larger - larger than Jared’s - bay window, apparently tugging lightly on his hair.

"Jensen?" Jared said softly, warily walking over to Jensen and putting a hand on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure who jumped higher, Jensen or himself, when Jensen yelped and spun around.

"Jared!"

"Jen? Um… what’s up? I mean, you seemed find minutes ago but now you’re a little… scatty. Seriously, Jen, are you sure you’re alright?" Jared asked, taking a step back when Jensen shrugged then flung his arms haphazardly in the air.

"My mind is like a hive of worms. And worms don't live in hives, Jared, so it's already somewhat confused and disconcerted!" Jensen wailed at him. Jared just stood to the side and let his friend flail.

"What’s to be confused about?"

"Worms! Hives! They don’t mesh well!!"

"Right… so er… why do you feel like," Jared waved his hands around randomly before giving up and shrugging, "like worms?… In a hive?"

"I don’t… I just… I don’t wanna leave here, Jay. I really don’t. This house is amazing and your job is just incredible and I don’t want to just give any of that up and leave. I get that I need to face all of this it’s just…" Jensen trailed off and shrugged, turning back to look out the window and sighing quietly.

"Scary? Jen… you know you’re not alone here, right? I mean, you won’t be able to get rid of me, and well… Chris and Steve live here too, so they’ll always be around. But you know, if it is too much, then screw the house. Screw the job. We’ll leave. I’m not kidding, we’ll just say fuck it and go somewhere else. There’s gonna be other jobs out there, right? This one isn’t the only one I’ll ever have, so don’t just say we’re staying here because of that," Jared murmured, moving to stand next to Jensen and just staring out the window.

"No! I told you, if we’re going to be leaving, then it won’t be because of me. I just… I kind of didn’t realise that it would be quite so hard." Jensen shrugged and sighed, rubbing his hand over his face before turning to face Jared. "Maybe I’m just tired. Let’s go drag our bed frames and mattresses up here and get them sorted, then I can just sleep."

"Okay, if… if you’re sure about all this, Jen."

"I am, Jared. Come on, I’ll be fine. I promise."

* * *

"I’m cured!" Jared gave a small yelp as he was startled awake by Jensen’s shout and fell out of his bed, only just missing landing on Harley by an inch.

"What? What’s going on? Huh? Jen?" Jared asked, pushing himself off the floor and walking out of his bedroom to wander sleepily towards the bathroom. He leant on the doorframe and blearily watched as Jensen turned to face him with a wide, excited smile on his face. It was possible Jensen was still drunk from the night before, Jared mused. Especially given it was only just past noon and here Jensen was, wide awake and _smiling_.

Maybe he was a pod-person.

"Jared! I’m cured! I can see!! Without my glasses!" Jensen told him excitedly, waving around and giggling ecstatically. Jared snorted and looked at his insane friend warily.

"Jen…"

"It’s miracle! My aunt always said I was going to hell because I was a little fruity, but look! He’s cured me!" Jared sighed and leant even more on the doorframe, deciding that trying to get Jensen’s attention once again might not go amiss.

"Jen…"

"I’m so happy!"

"Jensen!" Jared shouted, finally getting fed up of being ignored and reaching out to grab Jensen’s shoulders, forcefully getting his attention seeing as his other attempts had failed.

"What?" Jensen asked him, blinking at him with wide eyes, some of the excitement still clear in them. Jared really hated himself for what he was about to do, but at the same time, knew it was going to be so very amusing.

"You didn’t take your contacts out, did you?"

"Shit."

"Yeah… So did Steve and Chris say they were coming up tonight to see the house?" Jared asked, watching a disheartened Jensen take out his contacts and then snickering quietly when Jensen blindly flailed around for his glasses. Not that Jared was going to help him and tell him where they were. Nope. It was too funny.

"Where the fuck — Yeah, Chris said he’s coming up but Steve can’t make it so I told him we could have a dinner at ours next week or something," Jensen told him absently, now crouching by the sink to look - well, feel - for his glasses in the cabinet under the sink.

Jared snorted softly, wondering when Jensen was going to look on the corner edge of the bath for his glasses - and also absently pondering _why_ they were there in the first place. "How come Steve can’t come?"

"He’s got plans with that new girlfriend of his or something. I can’t remem — where the fuck are they?"

"Bath. Steve’s got a girlfriend?" Jared asked, biting down on his lip to stop laughing when Jensen stumbled over to the bath and promptly smacked his glasses into it.

"Fucking — Yeah, fucked if I remember her name though. Jared! Just… stop laughing and get my glasses!" Jensen whined slumping down to sit next to the bath and pouting pitifully - and blindly - up at Jared.

"Fine, your blind stumblings were bound to have got boring eventually anyway. Here," Jared said, handing Jensen his glasses and smirking when Jensen shoved them on and blinked up at him.

"Dick."

"I’ll take them back,"

"Jerk."

"Fine!" Jared said, and quickly wrestled Jensen to the floor, snatching the glasses form his face once more. Jensen wordlessly grumbled when Jared pressed a wet kiss to his forehead and quickly got off him, running from the bathroom cackling.

"Bastard!"

* * *

Jared walked into the house after having ran to the nearest store to stock up on the essentials - beer and wings - and stopped at the door to the front room, gaping a little. Jensen was dressed in a pair of old sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt and was standing in the middle of the room, in front of the tv. That wasn’t what made Jared gape however, it was the fact that he was apparently cheering.

Like a cheerleader.

With two cushions for pompoms.

"Er…"

"Jay! You get everything?" Jensen asked with a bright smile as he looked at Jared over his shoulder. The cheering moves didn’t stop but the freaky chants had at least. Jared hesitantly stepped into the room and held up the bags.

"Yeah… Er…."

"Cool! Did you get dip? Our dip looks a little funky… I don’t think garlic dip is supposed to be lumpy… or green," Jensen added, stalling in his cheer moves as he shuddered, then he paused the TV - which Jared was so very grateful for, the preppy cheers were beginning to unnerve him a little - and turned to face Jared properly, dropping the cushions to the floor by his feet.

"Dip? Uh… yeah. Sure. Jen…?" Jared did a spectacular mental flail - if he did say so himself - and trailed off. Because seriously now, what the hell was he supposed to be saying again?

"Something wrong, Jay?" Jensen asked as he took a deep swig of water from the bottle on the coffee table which, now that Jared took the effort to notice, had been pushed to the side of the room.

"You’re cheering." Jared felt that was sufficient enough to get hi point across that Jensen was clearly fucking mental. He felt that the tone he’d used helped that message get across as well.

"I know!" Apparently Jensen didn’t agree with Jared’s thoughts though, given he had a huge smile on his face like this was something he did on a regular basis.

Actually, given Jared had spent all the time they’d lived together out of the house during daylight hours on most days, this could well be the case.

Why hadn’t Chris warned him of this?

"You worry me sometimes," Jared said with a small shake of his head and getting an incredulous look from Jensen. Something Jared felt was completely unjustified given he wasn’t the one _cheering_ in their front room.

"What? Me? Why?"

"You’re a little too odd." Jared could possibly have put that in a nicer way, but well… sometimes you just had to be blunt with Jensen.

"No I’m not! You know why?" Jared eyed him shrewdly, trying to work out what the answer to that was just by glaring at Jensen. Not that Jared ever actually wanted to read Jensen’s mind - he felt it would probably like falling into an ocean sized ball pool: impossible to escape once inside.

"I dread to ask, but why?" The wide smile on Jensen’s face would have been enough to make Satan shudder.

"I’m awesome! I’m cool! I’ll totally freak you out I mean right on! Jensen sure is number one!" Jared blinked, gaped, blinked again and then sighed and buried his head in his free hand.

"That’s it. You’re never watching Bring It On again. And why the hell are you cheering in our living room?!" Jared asked, deciding to get that little gem of a question out of the way as well - he considered that he possibly hadn’t bought nearly enough alcohol to get through the night - and given he’d practically bought out the store, that was saying something. Not that he could get drunk given he had work the next morning. Life was perpetually cruel to Jared.

"What? Why not! It’s a brilliant film! Full of hot, nubile cheerleaders!" Jensen told him, leering at him in a way that was somewhat alarming for Jared - was Jensen picturing him as a cheerleader? Jared felt violated. Jensen then did a small flouncing move, picked up the cushions and then threw them - and himself - onto the sofa. "As for that, that was my daily exercises."

"I thought you did Pilates. You were definitely doing Pilates last week."

"I got bored of that. Plus, cheering is in my blood."

"Is that possible? And does it make your blood overly peppy and kinda sparkly?"

"Probably not. But the point is, I’m an awesome cheerleader."

"And I’m highly disturbed," Jared muttered, shifting the seemingly heavier bags to his left hand and shaking out his now numb right one. "I’m gonna take these to the kitchen. What time is Chris coming?"

"Seven. Why are you disturbed? I’m an excellent cheerleader! I was one of the best in high school!" Jared stumbled in shock at that and stared at Jensen over his shoulder in disbelief. He placed the bags on the kitchen counter, and turned to lean against it, Jensen moving to slouch over the breakfast bar opposite him.

"You were a cheerleader?"

"Yep! Did you buy Corona?"

"Yeah. Seriously? A cheerleader?"

"Why does that surprise you?" Jensen asked him, moving to stand next to Jared so that he could ferk through the bags. He made a small happy noise in the back of his throat when he saw that Jared had bought him a bad of mini peanut butter cups.

"It really shouldn’t. I know why your aunt thought you were fruity," Jared muttered. He pushed himself away from the counter and stretched, turning to face Jensen. "Where’re the dogs?"

"Outside. I think my cheering scared them a little," Jensen admitted sheepishly.

"It scared me a little too," Jared whispered to himself as he spun to open the back door for the dogs to come in. He yelped and clutched the back of his head when a bag of chips was thrown at it.

"I heard that!"

* * *

Jared opened the door with a wide smile and yanked Chris into the house, clapping a hand on his shoulder as he shoved him towards the front room, closing the front door with his foot as he turned to follow.

"Go! Go talk to Jensen! He’s waiting in the front room… don’t give him cushions. Or pom poms. Or… anything. Here, you’ll need this," Jared added, thrusting a bottle of beer into Chris’s hands.

"Um… Jay?"

"Yep! Welcome! Awesome house. Look around. Talk to Jensen."

"Where are you going?"

"Me? I’m off to sob over the chicken wings. I’ll just be in the kitchen. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be with you both soon… once my psyche can take it. I think I’ve finally worked out how it was that me and Jen could live together without killing each other," Jared told him in a slightly absent tone. Chris snorted and looked at him enquiringly.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we never actually saw one another during the day. I worked or was in class. I never spent this long with him. Chris! He’s scary! He cheerleads!" Jared exclaimed, actually shaking Chris a little. Which proved to be Chris’ breaking point as he promptly burst into laughter.

"Found out about that, have you?"

"Yes! I walked in on it! I thought Pilates was scarring! It has nothing on Jensen acting peppy! And I swear, if he tries to pin me down and put my hair in pigtails one more time, I’m gonna do something we’ll all regret!" Jared hissed, glaring when this just made Chris laugh even harder. Actually slapping his thigh, which was something Jared only thought happened in movies…

"Now that’s something I’d pay to see, son. But for now, go weep over the wings. I’ll take care of Jensen. You know that boy can’t hold his alcohol. We’ll just get him drunk," Chris told him reassuringly, though the overall effect was ruined by the small giggles the man kept erupting into. Those also ruined the tough cowboy look he had going on as well.

It astounded Jared how he was the gay one out of his small group of friends, yet most of the time, they all acted more gay than he did.

Jared sighed and turned on his heels, shuddering when he heard Jensen’s exuberant greeting of Chris. Maybe he could eat some of the wings before having to take them into the other two. Comfort food was love.

* * *

Jared had a certain habit that drove Jensen mad. He was perpetually early for everything important to him, such as interviews and jobs, but nearly always late for everything else. It drove Jensen up the wall, given he was normally left waiting for Jared to meet him somewhere and was the main reason behind most of the times Jensen refused to speak to Jared.

It was also the reason for why Jared was now wandering through the small but prestigious mental health institute that was now his new place of work a good hour before his first shift actually started and he was due to meet the man he would be shadowing for his first trial time there.

A Dr Speight according to the letter he had received from Dr Morgan. Jared had, of course, heard of the man. Dr Speight had actually published a few pieces on certain mental issues that Jared had found particularly interesting, but he would admit that he had no idea what the man looked like. In fact, he only knew Speight was male because it had said so in the letter.

Right now though, Jared was sort of at a loss on what to do. He’d been greeted by the overly cheerful girl on reception, whose name Jared had already forgotten - another reason he really didn’t like meeting people, too many names to remember - and had been told that Professor Collins was expecting him but was currently in a meeting and would come to him when he got out. Which was expected to be around the time Jared had actually been due to start. He’d then been told where the staff room was and to make himself comfortable there to wait if he wished. Or to try and get the lay out of the hospital if he would prefer.

Jared had preferred that idea, which was why he was now wandering around the hallways of the hospital, trying to pick out certain things that would help him find his way around the place a little easier. The numbered rooms were certainly helping.

He was passing by a rec room on the third and top floor off the hospital - the same floor that had the least patient rooms on it because it had all the staff offices and the main staff room on that floor as well - when he noticed one lone person sitting on a bright yellow bean bag, reading a book.

Jared frowned because he could have sworn that the receptionist - whatever her name was - had told him all the patients were currently either in the refectory for breakfast or outside for morning exercise. Jared was a little curious about that. He couldn’t imagine certain people being too happy about being made to do squats outside in the morning. The point was, the man in that room wasn’t supposed to be there.

Frowning and feeling a little unsure of what to do, Jared decided to just do what he had been trained to do for the past eight years and go see if the man - were he a patient as Jared assumed - was okay.

Pushing the door open and walking in, Jared smiled brightly and hopefully in a completely non-threatening manner when the sandy haired man turned to look at him.

"Hi! I’m the new psychiatrist here. I was just wandering around and saw you, I thought I’d come in and see if you were okay. Aren’t you supposed to be at breakfast now?" Jared asked, slowly walking towards the man, who just watched him, seemingly amused. Reaching another brightly coloured bean bag chair - this time bright blue - Jared folded his large body into it and looked at the man. "So, what’s your name?"

"Richard. You?" Richard asked him, Jared smiled seeing that the man actually answered him, even if he was still just looking amused.

"I’m Jared! So, what are you doing up here alone?" Jared asked Richard shifting forward a little on the squishy chair so that he was a touch nearer to the man. Jared actually found himself a little fascinated with the mans hair and eyes. Both of which seemed to change shades depending on how the light hit it. If he was honest with himself, Jared also kinda thought he was a bit attractive. And then couldn’t help but wonder why he was always attracted to the insane men.

"I like the quiet. Helps me to get my thoughts in order. Too many people give me a headache at times." Jared nodded, completely understanding the man with that one. But then, people in general tended to give Jared a headache.

"I know that feeling. I’m not a big fan of crowds myself," Jared admitted with a shrug and an easy smile. "So, wanna talk about what you’ve got going on in your head?"

"Not particularly."

"Fair enough! So! How long have you been here?" Jared asked instead, then inwardly frowned as he thought that was possibly not the best question to ask. Judging by the smirk on Richard’s face, he wasn’t too insulted or upset.

"About ten years now," Richard told him and Jared felt his eyes widen and huffed in surprise.

"Wow! I was like sixteen then! That’s… huh."

"Way to make me feel old, kid," Richard told him dryly and Jared felt his face light up in embarrassment as he ducked his head.

"Sorry. I um… I sometimes don’t think before I speak. Still, that means you’ve been here since around the time this place opened, right?" Jared asked, unable to hide his curiosity in his voice. Richard just huffed a laugh and nodded.

"Since the first day, yeah. So why are you here, Jared?"

"Told you! I was hired right out of college. Moved back from Boston to take the job and well, todays my first day. Between you and me, I’m really kinda nervous. I mean… hey! Do you know Dr Speight?" Jared asked, deciding to see if this guy could give him a little insight on his soon to be mentor. The surprised look on Richard’s face told Jared absolutely nothing. Well, except that perhaps he did know Dr Speight.

"I do indeed, why’d you ask?"

"Just wondered what he was like. I’m supposed to be shadowing him around this place whilst I’m on my trial period. I’m a bit early though, so the receptionist said it would be fine to wander around. Um… maybe not talk to patients here though. I mean… er… oh dear," Jared muttered, nibbling his lip and then sheepishly smiling at Richard, who just threw his head back and laughed.

"I like you, Jared. And I don’t think Dr Speight will mind you talking to me until you’re expect to meet with him, so don’t worry about it."

"Thanks! So, he’s a cool guy to know then? I mean, I know he’s a good doctor, I’ve read some of his published stuff, wrote my thesis on some of his theories in fact. So getting him as a mentor was kind of like a mini dream come true. Oh! Um… don’t tell anyone that. I don’t want to come across as some sort of insane fanboy or something."

"Your secret’s safe with me, Jared," Richard told him with a bright smile, eyes shining with mirth.

"Good to know! Jensen’s always calling me a fanboy. It’s kinda annoying, but I don’t tend to listen to him much. Pretty stupid thing to do really."

"Jensen? Who’s that?" Richard asked him, and Jared snorted and shook his head.

"He’s my best friend. Moved back from Boston with me for this job in fact. He’s kinda awesome. But also really rather insane. I think most people that know him are glad he has me as his friend so I can keep him off the radar, so to speak. I mean, he’s really a few screws loose. It’s a little alarming," Jared told him with a chuckle, thinking back to Jensen’s actions that very morning as he danced around the kitchen with a mop singing the Sid Vicious version of _My Way_.

"He sounds like fun."

"That’s certainly one way of putting it," Jared said dryly, then jerked in shock when he noticed the time on the clock hanging above the door. "Shoot! I’ve gotta go and meet Professor Collins! It was seriously nice meeting you, Richard. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to see you around more if I’m not sacked for totally ignoring the fact I’m on trial and shouldn’t really be talking to anyone without my mentor around!"

"You’ll be fine, Jared. Go, shoo. I’ll go back to getting my thoughts in order before morning exercises end. Nice meeting you too, Jared." Jared smiled at him and then quickly hurried out of the room, thanking whatever gods were listening that he was at least on the right floor to where he needed to be.

* * *

Jared made it in to the main staff room with a few minutes to notice it was empty, hoping Professor Collins hadn’t given him up as either lost or a no show, Jared gave a small sigh of relief and then smoothed his hair a little, not that it was going to make much a difference. His hair did what it pleased. He was fairly certain it actually did have a mind of it’s own and that wasn’t an exaggeration.

A cough from behind him made him jump as he was trying to brush any imaginary wrinkles out of his shirt. Spinning round, Jared blinked a little upon seeing a rather messily haired man with bright blue eyes smiling at him widely.

"Um… Professor Collins?" Jared asked, looking at the man a little warily. The hair was beginning to make Jared feel thankful for his own crazed mane. It was actually a little distracting…

"Yep! That’s me!" Professor Collins said, stepping forward and holding out a hand for Jared to shake. Jared warily did so, eyes drawn to the fact that there was a small figurine tangled in the man’s hair. Really distracting.

"Good. I’m Jared Padalecki, the new psychiatrist. Doctor Morgan hired me from Harvard?"

"Oh yes! Jim’s little prodigy. Or giant prodigy if you go by your actual height. Are you wearing heels?" Collins asked, actually looking down and scrutinising Jared’s shoes and making Jared try to resist fidgeting in anyway.

"Um… no, Professor. This is my actual height."

"Huh, and you’re being mentored by Dr Speight? That’s certainly going to look… amusing. By the way, don’t call me 'Professor', I go by either Misha or The Prof if you’re feeling like you want to make me out to be a comic book super-villain," Professor Collins, or Misha as Jared mentally decided to call him, said with a wide smile.

"Um…"

"I think I’d be a good villain. All 'mwahahaha!' and 'I have you now!'. Don’t you think?"

"Er… I think you have the hair…" Jared admitted, then mentally cringed and hoped Misha didn’t take offence at that. Thankfully, the man just burst into laughter and clapped Jared on the shoulder.

"Oh! I like you! So then, shall I give you a guided tour this time and show you all the secret moving passages?" Misha paused, then huffed, "that we don’t have. We should consider that at the next staff meeting."

"Secret passages could be cool," Jared agreed with a nod, silently wondering when he had started channelling Jensen in this conversation.

"Exactly! Good to know I have you at my back when I bring it up at the end of the month! So! Guided tour! Off we go!" Misha said, turning on his heel and leading Jared out of the staff room. Jared just followed behind the insane man and wondered when he’d made the subconscious decision to just surround himself with insane people both in work and outside of it. "I’ll introduce you to Dr Speight after our tour and once he’s out of his current session! I’m sure you’ll love him!"

* * *

Jared followed Professor Collins - so called because apparently professor was much more respected than doctor - to the office of his soon to be mentor. His stomach felt like it was tying itself into knots with nerves and he was pretty sure he would soon have friction burns with how much he was ringing his hands together. Jensen would have a field day were he there to witness it. Really, Jared had no idea why he was going in to a profession where he worked with several people on a daily basis.

He didn't _like_ people.

Jensen didn't count. Jared wasn't entirely sure Jensen was human. ... Neither was Jensen.

"Ah, Dr Speight! I'd like to introduce you to the new psych! You'll be showing him the ropes, letting him follow you around like a little lost puppy. Kinda looks like one, actually..." Jared shot a shocked look at his boss when he looked at him musingly, and tried to look into the room to see his new 'mentor' or whatever. "Well! I'll just leave you two to get to know one another! Doctor Padawan-"

"Padalecki."

"What you said. Have fun!" Jared watched, gobsmacked, as Prof. Collins patted his shoulder with a bright smile and then wander off, whistling the tune to The Magic Roundabout.

Jared took a deep breath, composed himself and then turned around to meet Dr Speight, hoping he hadn't looked like a complete idiot and promptly choked and wheezed in shock upon seeing the man behind him.

Who was smirking back at him.

And who Jared had spent a good hour with that morning, having thought he was a patient.

He was so sacked.

Jensen really was going to have a field day.

Jared inwardly cringed as he stepped forward to greet Dr Speight, who was still grinning at him, and hoped he wouldn’t make a fool of himself even more than he already apparently had.

"So, you’re Dr Padalecki! Good to know! At least I know you’re gonna be good with our patients. I’m Dr Speight, as The Prof said. Though, I guess, you can call me Richard. And I promise I’m not a patient pretending to be a doctor," Dr Speight - Richard - told him, and Jared opened his mouth but just let out a squeak.

And then completely humiliated himself even more by passing out. Still, at least unconscious he wouldn’t _feel_ the humiliation any more.

* * *

Jared entered the front door and shut it, leaning against it and then banging his head against it softly a few times. He was never going to live his first day down, he just knew it. Well, that’s if he wasn’t fired as soon as he walked in the doors tomorrow.

"Jay? That you? You’re home early! I thought you were working until like six! It’s only four! Everything okay?" Jared looked up as Jensen walked out of his office (the kitchen) closely followed by Sadie and Harley. Jared looked at the dogs suspiciously and then back to Jensen, who suddenly looked guilty.

"What did you feed them?"

"Nothing! So? Home? Early? Why?" Jensen asked him, shuffling the unusually subdued dogs back into the kitchen and shutting the door behind them. He then leant on it and looked at Jared curiously, and with a hint of concern.

Jared sighed and slammed his head back into the door for good measure as the memories of the day swept over him.

"I fainted. Got sent home early," Jared muttered, feeling his cheeks begin to burn and refusing to look over at Jensen to see his reaction.

"You… shit, Jay! Are you alright? Oh God, are you dying? You’re dying, aren’t you? I’m going to be all alone and… and… the dogs! Oh! The dogs are going to be orphaned! That’s not fun, Jay! You can’t die on me, Jay! I won’t let you!" Jared’s eyes snapped open upon hearing the genuine panic in Jensen’s voice and he looked over to see Jensen yanking at his hair - currently lime green - and worrying his bottom lip.

"Jen, I’m not dying. I can promise you that. Stop panicking. It was… I fainted because I er… hyperventilated," Jared mumbled, fidgeting under Jensen’s steady gaze.

"Okay, now this sounds like an interesting story. We’re going to go into the front room, we’re gonna sit down and then you’re going to tell me the whole thing starting from the beginning. And you’re not going to run either. Come on! I need cheering up and I also need ideas to write a story about. This sounds like it could be brilliant."

"You’re using me for my pain? I feel the love, Jensen," Jared mumbled, but he followed behind Jensen despite his reluctance.

"I still love you! I just find some use in your more spacktacular moments!" Jensen informed him, nudging him to sit down and then curling up against the opposite side of the couch and resting his feet on Jared’s lap. "So? Do tell, what made you hyperventilate and faint?"

"Stop grinning. Stop it now. It’s not making me feel any better and I want to feel better so that I can actually get some sleep before going into work tomorrow and getting fired for being a moron," Jared bemoaned, dropping his head back on the couch and throwing his arm over his face.

"What? What the hell did you do today, Jay? Why do you think you’re going to get fired?" Jensen asked, suddenly no longer sounding amused and actually taking Jared’s misery seriously. He shifted from where he was reclined over Jared and moved to sit next to Jared, running a hand through his long hair soothingly and smiling when Jared moved to press against Jensen’s hand. "So? Wanna tell me?"

"I mistook my mentor, Dr Richard Speight as a patient and sat with him for about an hour, chatting and generally not acting very professional," Jared told him mournfully. Jensen couldn’t even stop the wince when he heard what happened, and instead moved even closer to Jared to give him some comfort.

"Shit. Didn’t he say anything? I mean… shit."

"Yeah."

"Still!! That doesn’t mean you’re gonna get fired! Maybe they’ll just laugh it off!" Jensen suggested, looking down at Jared, who just whined a little and moved even closer to Jensen like he could hide inside of him. "Jay?"

"That’s not the worst!"

"It’s not?! What else did you do?" Jensen asked, not even attempting to hide the incredulity in his voice. Jared just sniffled and shot him a petulant pout - something he was quite proud of thankyouverymuch and something Jensen swore only he had mastered.

"I fainted! I was introduced to him later on, and kinda panicked and fainted!! Oh god. The worst part? Dr Speight is hot, Jen!! Actually fucking hot!"

"Wait, wait, wait. You, Jared Padalecki, Mr 'Sex is messy and unnecessary, as are people in general' actually found someone attractive! Like, you want to lie back and let him plough you ’til the cows come home?"

"I’d have put it a little less vulgarly, but yeah… Seriously Jen, he’s all… small and cute and hot and smirky. He smirks, Jen!" Jared whined, tugging on his hair and making Jensen snort. So what if it made him weird that he generally melted when someone smirked at him, he liked it!

"I smirk!"

"Yeah! And after I’d gotten over how much of an insane douche that you are, I let you, how was it, oh, 'plough me ’til the cows came home'! Dammit, I’m such a slut," Jared whined, and apparently that was it for Jensen, who just broke down into peals of giggles, eventually clutching his stomach and gasping for breath.

"Don’t! Stop! Too much! Slut Jared!" Jensen burst into giggles once more, which Jared wasn’t finding very helpful in cheering _him_ up.

"Jensen!!"

"Sorry! But, come on! You? A Slut? Jared, you’ve slept with one person. Me. And you did that just to see what the fuss was all about. If you hadn’t done that, you’d probably still be a virgin. And you’re like, what? Thirty?"

"I’m the same age as you!" Jared exclaimed, grabbing the cushion he’d been leaning on and thwapping Jensen over the head with it. Jensen just chuckled a little and took the cushion away.

"Huh! Guess sex does help you stay young looking. Still! My point is, you had sex with me, declared it fun but too messy to actually want to do it regularly and became a monk. Or, you know… a Jared. You know, if I wasn’t perfectly comfortable with my sexual prowess, it would have made me worry," Jensen added musingly. Jared scoffed and shifted a little so that he was facing Jensen. Jensen moved to accommodate him and shifted to sit across Jared’s legs. Both were highly thankful that they’d gotten a ridiculously - in his mother’s opinion - large couch.

"Well… it is! It’s all ooh, nice, there. And then you both come and get sticky. If there was such a thing as clean sex, I’d be perfectly happy!"

"Your OCD scares me. Have sex in a shower. You’ll love it. Oh! Ask this Doctor guy. Blow his mind so much that he forgets you thought he was insane and belonged in a mental institute," Jensen told him. Jared just huffed and pouted even more.

"You’re not really helping me cheer up, you know."

"Fine. Oh! I know! I read an awesome story in the newspaper this morning! It was hilarious!" Jensen told him excitedly, moving from their relaxed position so he straddled Jared’s legs excitedly, looking for all the world like an excited toddler… with green hair. A toddler come Prodigy front man and Firestarter. Jared wasn’t going to tell Jensen this. He knew it would give him ideas.

"Do I even dare ask? Wait, which paper? The normal one, or the ridiculous one that you spend an extortionate amount just getting it shipped from England?"

"Yeah! That one!"

"Thought so. Go on then. Tell me the story."

"Right there was this bloke with seven foot long hamsters, that he loved and let have the run of his home that, and get this, ate him while he slept... wait that might be lizards not hamsters..." Jared didn't even gape anymore. He was used to this. This was his life. His life was to prevent Jensen from ever getting committed. So basically, he just had to keep Jensen from ever going out in public. Plus, he’d succeeded in taking Jared’s mind off of his disastrous first day at work. Mostly because he was really quite concerned that Jensen was beginning to get cabin fever.

"Maybe you should go out more during the day. It can’t be healthy just hanging around two… shit! The dogs! We’ve left them in the kitchen!" Jared said, making Jensen yelp as he jumped up - forgetting that Jensen was on his lap - and causing Jensen to drop to the floor.

"Ow! I’m sure they could have survived the extra seconds it took to let me get off of you before you leapt in the air like some sort of deranged frog on crack! That hurt! You broke my coccyx!"

"I didn’t. And don’t use words you don’t know the meaning of. It’s not a dirty word, Jensen."

"It sounds dirty though, which makes it even better. Like moist and Snickerdoodle," Jensen added with a leer. Jared gaped for a second, before he rolled his eyes.

"Your mind scares me sometimes. I’m going to let Harley and Sadie in, you might wanna get off the floor before Harley starts to hump your head… again," Jared added with a chuckle. Jensen made an indignant sound, but quickly scrambled off the floor.

"That wasn’t me! It was Chris and we have video proof of that! Damn, that was funny." Jared couldn’t help but nod his head in agreement. It really had been amusing to see a stoned and confused Chris wondering why his head was bobbing of it’s own free will… and his neck felt hairier than normal. Jared chuckled to himself at the memory as he left the front room and went to the kitchen to let the dogs out. He couldn’t help but feel guilty at having shut them in there in the first place.

As soon as he opened the door, he dropped to his knees so he could hug the two subdued yet excited dogs to him, apologising profusely for being a bad and mean daddy to them, then leading them back into the front room. Unsurprisingly, Jensen was sprawled over the couch once more. Jared chuckled when Harley jumped on top of Jensen, making the man oof as the air was forced out of his lungs.

"Yeah, thought you were safe off the ground. Come on, Dude! You’ve been living with them for like a whole week now! Get used to the fact that Harley owns you and you are his bitch!" Jared told him with a grin as he watched Harley proceed to give Jensen an unplanned bath then shoved Jensen over the end of the couch in an inelegant lump.

"You’re dog is mean, Jay."

"Nah! He’s a big baby! You just keep insisting on sitting in his seat! Which is next to his awesome daddy… and Sadie. Because, let’s be honest here, we all pretend to be the big Alpha, but what Sadie says… implies… whatever, she’s boss," Jared finished, looking down at the dog in question and ruffling the fur on her head.

"That’s true. C’mere, Sadie-girl!! Yes! You’re my baby, yes you are!!" Jensen cooed, hugging and ruffling the fur of a now excited Sadie.

"Get them excited, Jen and you can take them for their nighttime walk. Just saying."

"Aw! We’re not going together again? I’m hurt, Jay! I thought we had gotten all domesticated and would spend our evenings with our dogs in the park. All… coupley and shit!" Jensen exclaimed with a pout on his face, though Jared could see his eyes were shining with suppressed amusement.

"Neither of us have ever been in a relationship, how the fuck would we know if that’s coupley? In fact, Chris is almost positive we both eloped in Vegas or something whilst he hadn’t been paying attention to us. So… actually, you might have a point. Let’s go be affectionate and vomit inducing, and go take the dogs for a walk like a real - yet freakish - couple!"

"Now?!"

"Fuck no, I’m still somewhat in mourning over the possibility of losing my job before I even really had the damned thing. And then losing my house. That will suck. And then we’ll have to live in the streets and make up songs to get us money."

"Ooh… 'Give me money, it’s not funny, being homeless!!'" Jensen warbled, and Jared couldn’t stop himself from laughing when Harley decided to join in and howl.

"I think Harley’s your first fan, Jen! You should definitely go on American Idol. The public will love you! Or think you’re blowing the judges."

"They’d be right. Damn right I’d win by blowing the judges," Jensen told him, and Jared snorted, shaking his head. "Even Paula Abdul! Because, dude, you know she’s a dude!"

"Dude looks like a lady? I actually think she is a woman, Jen," Jared pointed out, only for Jensen to shake his head in denial.

"Nuh uh! No way! I refuse to accept that she’s a woman! Nope! If she is, then man is she freaky," Jensen told him with an exaggerated shudder.

"You need to get over your childhood traumas."

"Don’t psycho-babble me! And Jay! She danced with a cat in baggy trousers! It fucking traumatised me!" Jensen exclaimed, and Jared couldn’t help but shudder at his own memories of that music video.

"Yeah… there is a reason I’m a dog person. I fully blame that video," Jared admitted with a sheepish smile.

"Exactly! You know, I had always wondered that. I mean, cats are more like you. If you were an animal it’d be a cat. You know, prickly, anti-social and flexible. Yet you love dogs, which, kinda your antithesis really. Well, except jack russell’s. They’re bitey."

"Wait, if I’m a cat, what are you?"

"Jay, come on!! Look at me! I’m clearly an Emperor Penguin!" Jensen exclaimed, striking a pose. Jared tilted his head and could actually see it, were Jensen’s hair canary yellow once more then he’d really pull it off.

"Yeah, I can see that. Wasn’t it an Emperor Penguin that got a little turned around and er… ended up in New Zealand as opposed to the South Pole earlier this year? Yeah… that’s you," Jared stated, more and more convinced that Jensen had missed his calling when he was created a human. It was a shame actually. Jared also vaguely wondered - once again - if Jensen’s insanity was catching.

"Really? Damn… how did I miss that story?"

"No clue. I thought you might have been the one to tell me about it actually. You do seem to hone in on the strangest news stories you can find. Today’s news case in point," Jared pointed out, getting a proud grin from Jensen. Jared actually wondered if Jensen actually got any work done at all given he seemingly spent all his day looking for bizarre stories to share with Jared when he got back home. Not that Jared was going to complain all that much.They were amusing. Most of the time.

"Todays news was awesome and hilarious! If it was hamsters… just plain scary if it actually was lizards."

"I think it was snakes."

"Really?!" Jensen looked at Jared with shocked, wide eyes, and Jared snorted.

"How am I supposed to know?! I was passed out in the Staff Room at Dallas Psychiatric Clinic. Snakes just sounds more realistic. Unless the lizards _or_ hamsters killed him then just nibbled on the guy bit by bit… Plus, can either of those animals grow to seven foot in length? Maybe lizards, sure, but hamsters? Wouldn’t that be a cat?"

"Nah, cat’s have long tails!"

"A Manx cat?"

"Ah, could be," Jensen agreed with a nod, then wrinkled his nose. "Still wouldn’t wanna be eaten by one though."

"I don’t think I’d want to be eaten period. Not by anything. Sounds a bit… gruesome," Jared told him with a shudder. Jensen grinned at him and finally stood up from where he’d been fussing Sadie and walked over to the couch, huffing when Harley just gave him a doggy grin but didn’t move.

"Jay…" Jensen whined, and Jared snickered, but all the same, still moved Harley off the couch so that Jensen could sit down. "Aw! Knew I loved you for a reason!!"

Jared squawked and rubbed at his cheek when Jensen pressed a wet sloppy kiss to it in a show of his 'love'. Really, Jared could have done without.

"So, other than look up random news events, what else have you done today? Actually wrote anything?"

"Now that you mention it!! No… not a word. My muse has just up and left me! I blame the economy." Jared stared at Jensen blandly, making Jensen fidget and then sigh. "Fine! I also went out for a walk with the dogs. Actually, that reminds me! Guess what?!"

"What? Do I even want to know?" Jared asked warily. Sometimes Jensen’s daily stories were a little mentally scarring, and Jared had mentally scarred himself enough that day. He didn’t want to be even more traumatised.

"I saw an ambulance man on his cell the other day! Now that’s balls for you! 'No, no, nothing going on today. Totally boring. In fact, I’m trying to make work for me, ya know?'" Jared just stared at Jensen for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter. Jensen just sat back, smugly grinning, apparently very happy with himself for having made Jared actually smile.

"Get out! You’re lying! Tell me you’re lying!"

"I’m totally not lying! Well, I was lying about what he was possibly saying, but nope, not lying about the guy being on the phone! I thought that shit was illegal!" Jensen exclaimed, and Jared just started to laugh even more.

Finally getting himself under control, Jared slumped against Jensen, letting his head rest on Jensen’s shoulder. "Thanks, Jen."

"No problem, Jay! And you don’t have to worry about tomorrow. They would be insane to fire you over one small mistake, you know? Just, be yourself, and maybe apologise to Dr Speight for thinking he was insane and a patient there."

"You were helping up to that moment." Jensen snickered, then hugged Jared closer to him.

"Sorry! But come on, Jay! You’re an awesome psychiatrist! Just ask your college professors! I mean, this Morgan guy travelled all the way to Boston just to speak to you and get you to take the job, right? Gotta mean something. So, I honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about! Just put it to the back of your mind for the rest of the day or you’ll never sleep! Come on, we’ll take the dogs for a walk, then order in and forget about the day watching hot men blow shit up."

"We’re watching Die Hard again, aren’t we?"

"There’s nothing wrong with Die Hard! Alan Rickman is hot!" Jensen exclaimed. Jared just laughed, not bothering to remind Jensen that he agreed, and instead just let himself do as Jensen advised and put his awful first day of work to the back of his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three

Jared groaned as his alarm woke him up with it’s shrill, and quite frankly obnoxious beeping and just made the events of the day before crash over Jared with startling clarity. Really, Jared had never wanted to go somewhere less than he did right now. Still, his OCD-like tendency to be early to everywhere he went forced him to get out of bed and get ready.

Silently.

Jensen was mean when he was woken up before noon. And given it was six thirty, Jared didn’t even want to think about the consequences of waking Jensen up.

Which was why he felt justified for the girly shriek he gave upon entering the kitchen and saw Jensen sitting at the table, sleepily drinking a cup on coffee. At Jared’s scream, Jensen chuckled evilly, then looked up and blinked at Jared, like he hadn’t deliberately tried to kill Jared off by forcing him into a coronary heart attack.

"Hey, Jay," Jensen said sleepily, once Jared had finally stop screaming like a girl and had shakily made his way over to the table and sat down. Of course, Jared just stared at him blankly, willing his heart to dislodge itself from his throat and go back to where it should be. "I thought you might need moral support before you left."

"It’s six thirty," was all Jared actually managed to say, getting a hum of agreement from Jensen, who just took a deep sip of his coffee. Jared just stared at him for a couple more minutes, trying to convince his brain that he wasn’t hallucinating and that he was seeing Jensen in the morning. Awake. And not hurling abuse at him. "How much coffee have you drank?"

"I’ve lost count. There’s some left in the machine, if you want some," Jensen mumbled, giving a feeble wave in the direction of the coffee machine. Jared glanced over at it and tried to convince his body that it would be worth moving to get some. Honest.

"I do…"

"But you can’t be bothered to get some? Yeah… I had that problem a couple of times. However, my addiction took care of my laziness. Just give it time," Jensen told him, before inhaling the rest of his coffee and sitting back, eyes drooping shut.

"You gonna go back to bed once I’ve left?" Jared asked whilst he was, as Jensen advised, waiting for his bodies sheer need of caffeine to take over it’s laziness. He wasn’t seeing it happen anytime soon.

"Probably. I let the dogs out, by the way. Harley was a bit too perky for my tastes this early in the morning." Jared snickered in sleepy amusement at the grumpy look on Jensen’s face, accompanied by the fact that his hair looked styled in such a way that told Jared that Harley had pretty much mauled the man. "Stop laughing at me."

"M’not laughing. Well, at you. Much. Are you waiting for me to get up and make a coffee so that I’ll make you one as well?"

"Yeah, that what you’re doing with me?" Jensen asked, smirking when Jared huffed and pouted at him. "Look, I’m awake at the butt-crack of dawn for you. My good intentions for the year have all been used up now. Make your own coffee, and make me one too."

"I can’t be bothered!" Jared whined, though he still huffily got out of his chair and walked - stumbled more like - over to the coffee machine and hissed upon burning himself when he checked to see if it was still warm.

"I told you it was on. Why don’t you believe me? You were the kid that defiantly touched the iron even though your mom told you it was hot, weren’t you?"

"She could have stopped me," Jared muttered sulkily as he poured himself and Jensen a cup on coffee.

"Sure she could have. I’d have let you touch it too. Moronic little child."

"I was a child genius!"

"It’s always the prodigies that are a little spastic," Jensen said with a mournful sigh. Jared made a small indignant noise and firmly placed the cup of coffee in front of Jensen, completely with small glare - which was about as affective as an upset puppy.

"I spat in it, by the way," Jared stated calmly just as Jensen took a sip - and promptly choked on it, spraying the mouthful of hot beverage over the table. Jared just sat back in his chair with a smug grin on his face, taking a sip of his own coffee and swallowing with a sigh of satisfaction. Background noises of Jensen gasping and choking just adding to said satisfaction.

* * *

Jared, after having helped a wheezing Jensen back to bed and then taking the dogs for their morning walk, finally - slowly - got ready for work and reluctantly arrived at the hospital a good thirty minutes early. Which, in Jared’s eyes, wasn’t actually quite early enough as it didn’t give him sufficient begging time for Dr Speight not to fire him.

With a small sigh, Jared walked to where Professor - call me Misha - Collins had pointed out Dr Speight’s office and - after having to talk himself into it and then stifling the whimper that wanted to escape - Jared knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Jared took another deep breath and then sent up a small prayer to a God he wasn’t entirely sure existed - if only because organised religion scared him more than organised crime - Jared pushed the door open and stepped inside the office. Sitting behind a large oak desk in a warmly decorated office, sat the guy Jared had assumed was a patient and also the guy Jared had semi-worshipped through essays whilst he was studying for his masters.

Well, on the positive side, Jared could at least have a secret crush on the guy without guilting over the fact that he wanted to molest his patient. That was something.

"Dr Padalecki! How are you today? Recovered from your er… mishap? Feeling a bit better?" Dr Speight asked him cheerfully, making Jared feel immediately on edge as he fidgeted by the door. "Oh! Sorry, sit, sit! Take a seat! You know you’re early right? You don’t start until eight."

"I know. I like to be early. Better than being late, I suppose," Jared admitted with a sheepish grin as he took the seat in front of Dr Speight’s desk.

"Well, that’s true. You’ll soon learn that The Prof is perpetually late and we’ve all actually given up hope that the man even knows the meaning of the term 'on time'. Someone actually showing up to work early might be something of a novelty at this place. So, excited about your first day?"

"Um… sort of? I er… was a bit worried about whether or not I still had a job, actually," Jared admitted, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, before tangling his fingers in his hair as he looked at Dr Speight, who just looked confused.

"Why wouldn’t you have a job?"

"Um… I thought you were a patient and I was also not the most professional of people whilst I was talking to you - thinking you were a patient," Jared added, just in case Speight hadn’t realised that was what he meant. Though technically, passing out wasn’t all that professional either.

"Well… maybe, but I did say that you would still have a job and that Dr Speight wouldn’t hold anything against you! And, speaking as Dr Speight, I was right!" Dr Speight exclaimed with a bright smile, and - not for the first time - Jared wondered if there was a certain requirement for a persons sanity to go into psychiatry. In fact, Jared was fairly certain that you shouldn’t have any in order to go into that field. He was of the firm belief that psychiatrists were as insane, if not more so, than their patients - they were just better at hiding it. Apparently Dr Speight was slowly losing that ability though.

"Um…"

"Anyway! I could have told you exactly who I was when you first sat down and put you out of your misery, but I didn’t. So I’m to be held at blame here. And finally! Going by the conversation we did have, you’re a very good psychiatrist. So I’d be insane to fire you! So your job is completely safe," Dr Speight told him with a warm smile, and Jared felt his whole body relax in relief.

"Thank you, Dr Speight."

"I told you yesterday to call me Richard! You’re gonna be working closely with me for the whole time of your trial period, so better get on friendly terms with me!" Dr Speight - Richard - said, smile never leaving his face and making Jared viciously try to mentally stamp out his ever growing crush. On his boss.

"Okay… Richard."

"See! More like it! So then, Professor Singer recommended you to us with very high regards. Gotta say, that’s pretty impressive, Kid. Though he did also say you were a little… odd."

"Odd?" Jared couldn’t stop himself from asking, wondering just what Professor Singer had said about him. It could possibly be about his tendency to analyse his peers to the point they became afraid to say anything around him for fear he’d tell them they had daddy-issues.

In his defence, he only said that to one student. And she clearly did.

"You were apparently a little… anti-social? Only had a select few friends? I’d imagine that guy… Jensen, was one of them. He sounds like a hoot! Still, doesn’t make you odd per se. Though the staff here do like to go out for drinks at the local bar every Friday. Helps us get to know each other, keep the unit friendly and close-knit, so tough it up, Padalecki!"

"I… erm… I don’t mind it… just er… I prefer the company of people who are a little um…"

"Mentally unstable? Yeah, Singer mentioned that as well. Wasn’t sure what he meant by that, to be honest. You do know you’re a doctor here, right? Not here to make friends with the patients," Richard told him, looking at Jared shrewdly and making Jared feel the urge to fidget.

"No! I mean, I know that. I just… I’m more comfortable on my own. I don’t… I guess I’m shy. I just… people kind of make me itchy."

"Itchy? Huh… well, give it a try. Tonight in fact! We’ll go out, get to know one another, The Prof will probably come along as well. If you find yourself getting too over-whelmed, then we’ll let you leave. But you really should come," Richard said kindly, and Jared finally gave in to the urge and fidgeted, before he gave a sharp nod of his head.

"Okay. I’ll go… um… shouldn’t we start work now? I just… what am I supposed to be doing today? Just shadowing you and seeing how things are run here?" Jared asked, looking around the office in some banal hope that he’d find the answer in the pictures on the wall or something.

"Right, well for the first two weeks or so, you’ll be working pretty close to me, once I feel you’ve got the run of the place, then I’ll let you take lead with our patients. Finally, once I decide you don’t need to be on a trial period anymore, then you’ll be assigned your own patients and will be given your own timetable and so on. Now, you were told that each Psychiatrist here is on call every four weeks, right?"

"Yeah, Professor Collins covered that yesterday," Jared confirmed with a nod, he was looking forward to working here, now that he knew he wasn’t going to be fired.

"Good. Well there are eight main psychiatrists working here, including yourself. We’re on call for seven days, then we get three weeks to recover from that. Don’t worry though, this hospital isn’t that bad and so it’s very rare that the on-call psychiatrist is needed. We do have a room that you and whoever is on call with you will be expected to stay in however, that sound okay?"

"So… basically once a month I have to live on site for a week?" Jared asked, just making sure he’d gotten that right.

"Pretty much, yeah! When I say we have a room, I really mean it’s like a small apartment. There’s a bedroom, a small living area and a kitchenette. Just take your change of clothes to the rooms and then carry on as your normal day, just without leaving at the end of your shift."

"Okay, sounds fine. Is that all I need to know?"

"For now. I figure you’re clearly damn bright, so you’ll pick up anything else you’ll need to know as we go along. So then, Dr Padalecki, are you ready for your first real day as a psychiatrist?" Richard asked him cheerfully, and Jared smiled shyly at him and nodded his head. "Good good! Let’s go then! First on the cards for us is morning exercise today. You’re going to have a blast, Kid!"

* * *

Richard’s prediction that Jared was going to have a blast, even though said in a somewhat sarcastic manner, wasn’t entirely far off from the truth. After the morning exercises, which were different to say the least - having to convince a grown man down from the climbing wall because he swore the gremlins were after him was something he’d never forget - they had all of the appointments Richard had with his patients that Jared was to sit in on.

Of course, there was a small awkward moment before the appointment sessions started wherein Richard had stated that he normally made new psychiatrists have a mock session with himself pretending to be the patient. But that clearly Jared wouldn’t need that as they’d already skipped that stage. Jared had wanted the ground to open up and swallow him a little at that time, but Richard was so amusing and light-hearted with his joking, that Jared couldn’t help but relax quickly afterwards.

So the day went by fast, much faster than he had expected. Well, actually, no. It wasn’t much faster than he’d expected, because he’d expected to get sacked as soon as he entered Dr Speight’s office that morning. However, it went by faster than he’d have expected before he cocked it all up and was more worried that he was going to be fired.

As such, Jared was stunned when the last patient left Richard’s office and Jared realised his first official day at work had come to an end. Of course, the somewhat evil grin on Richard’s face made Jared feel a little unnerved.

"Um…"

"So, how did you feel today went?" Richard asked him even as he started closing the files and books on his desk and tidying everything away. Jared just watched him in silence for a few moments before realising he was supposed to answer that.

"Oh! Er… I think it went a lot better than I had hoped!"

"Well, that’s not hard given you thought you’d lost your job. So other than the fact you didn’t, in fact, get fired, how do you feel about the job now? Still think it’s going to be something for you?" Richard asked him, finally stopping in his tidying up and looking at Jared as though genuinely interested in what Jared thought.

"Yeah! I really enjoyed today. It was really interesting and I can’t help myself but be excited about when I get my own patients! It’s going to be amazing! So, yeah, I really think this is the job for me."

"Good to know! So then, ready for a night out with me and Professor Collins?" Richard asked him, and the happy feeling Jared had had after a good day of work suddenly escaped him. He really wasn’t good around people and hated going out. And he suddenly felt the need to find Jensen and hide behind him.

"Um…"

"Come on! I told you, if things get too much, then you can leave straight away. But you’ve got to at least try. Besides, it’ll only be me and Misha, so you’ll be fine. We’ll hide you from any scary people that might hit on you," Richard said with a grin, and Jared felt a small feeling of horror when he felt himself blush.

"Okay," Jared agreed quietly, and wondered if they’d hold it against him were he to ask if he could call Jensen to meet them there. He really needed someone to hide behind.

And Chris was really too short for Jared to hide behind.

"Good good! Come on then! Let’s grab our jackets and we can head on out. Misha will be a little later as his shift doesn’t end for another hour and a half. So we’ll just have to keep one another company until then! Let’s go!" Richard exclaimed happily, jumping from his seat and grabbing his jacket from the coat rack. Jared grabbed his own - having been told to leave it there earlier that day - and followed Richard out of the office.

He tried to smother the voice in the back of his mind that was humming the funeral march as he left the office. Really, it wasn’t like he was leaving to his doom or something.

He hoped.

 

* * *

Jared followed Richard into the bar, pleased to see that it wasn’t all that busy so he felt he’d probably be able to stay there without making a complete fool of himself. More than he had. He hoped.

He stuck close to Richard as they walked through the bar to a table that was a bit more secluded from the others and made Jared feel a little more comfortable. At least they wouldn’t be surrounded by complete strangers should the place start to get a little busier.

After Richard had wandered off to the bar to get them both a drink and then had come back, taking the seat opposite Jared; Jared relaxed a little - or tried to, really he wasn’t a people person at all and there were slowly being surrounded by an increasing number of such - and sent Richard a small, unsure smile. Really, he wasn’t quite used to this sort of thing and had no idea what they were supposed to do now. Normally he had Jensen as back up, and that amount of crazy was normally enough to keep the limelight away from him permanently for the whole night.

"Doing alright?" Jared jumped a little when Richard’s voice broke through his scattered and somewhat frantic thoughts.

"Pardon?"

"I asked if you were alright? Still alright to stay or you going to need to leave?" Richard asked him, looking at him in concern when Jared just stared at him, blinking. Jared shook his head to get rid of - disturbing - memories of Jensen and Chris drunk, and realised just what Richard was asking him. Right, he was shy. Not an anti-social freak who disliked human beings that were - technically - sane.

"Oh! Um… yes, I’m-I’m fine. How about you? Everything good with you?" Which, going by the odd look on Richard’s face, possibly wasn’t the right thing to reply with. This was why Jared disliked sane people. They actually expected linear conversation.

It was a little awkward and frustrating actually.

"I’m good… So! Erm… let’s talk about you, shall we? Get to know you a bit better, you know, now that you know I actually am sane and not a patient, thus you don’t really have to censor yourself," Richard told him with a cheeky grin. Not that Jared really felt he was censoring himself all that well at the moment anyway.

"Oh. Well… there’s not really all that much to know about me really. Um… anything in particular that you’d like to know?" Jared also disliked the 'getting to know you' stage of talking to people. With Jensen it had been easy. They hated each, then they slept together and actually learnt they didn’t quite hate each other as much as they’d thought. Nor did they want to sleep together again.

Jared didn’t quite think the same technique would work here.

Which was a shame.

"Well… how about this friend of yours? Jensen, was it? Tell me about him. You said you lived with him right? How long have you known him?" Richard asked him, smiling at him in an encouraging way. Jared relaxed a little and smiled back slightly - Jensen, he could talk about.

"Jensen? He’s… he’s my best, closest friend. Yeah, we live together, have done for years now. We’re kinda accused of being a little co-dependent on one another. Which, well it could have a grain of truth. We met at uni in our first year and then started living together in our second year, so we’ve known each other for about seven or eight years? Kinda feels like longer though. Both in the good sense and the bad," Jared added with a small, wry grin and getting a laugh from Richard.

"Sounds like he’s a character!" Richard stated with a wide grin, and Jared wondered if he was plotting how to commit Jensen behind the smile. Or if he realised Jared was wondering if there was a discreet way to check for drool. Really, who ever thought he was suitable to be let out into public was clearly on something. Jared really wasn’t ready for the 'real world' as his professors loved to call it. Or just socialising with people not deemed clinically insane.

Or leaving the house.

"Well he’s certainly something. I honestly have no idea what colour his hair is going to be from one minute to the next and I live with him. Last I saw this morning, it was electric blue. Which I know the colour of because it was the colour of the sparks made when Jensen decided to see if he could survive being a human lightning rod. Turns out, he could. He also can fly great distances when hit with a large bolt of electricity. It was really impressive. Kinda pretty too."

"Your housemate electrocuted himself?!" Richard asked looking horrified. Jared had no idea why he looked so distressed over the matter, Jensen was clearly still alive. Jared could vouch for that.

"Sort of. I think it helped his sanity a little. Like… ECT, ya know? Only er… less controlled and probably less legal, which is saying something given ECT isn’t used anymore. Er… Can we pretend I didn’t tell you that my housemate tried to hug lightning?" Jared asked, then cringed as he realised it made Jensen sound even crazier putting it like that. "Er… not that he did."

"I really want to meet this Jensen, he sounds hilarious! Just… maybe we shouldn’t introduce him to Misha," Richard stated, wincing at whatever image that thought conjured for him. Jared wondered just how bad Misha was, he was a little weird when Jared met him, but that was only for an hour or so.

"Who shouldn’t you introduce to Misha?" Jared jumped, as did Richard, when the man in question pretty much appeared out of nowhere at the side of their table.

"Misha! Hey! When did you get here?" Richard asked, and Jared wondered just how high-pitched the man could go, as he was currently pretty high. Clearly he had been more spooked by Misha’s magical appearance than Jared had.

Of course, Jared had lived with Jensen _and_ Chris at some point in his life, which gave him some immunity to shock. You sort of got used to the what-the-Jesus-my-hearts-stopping-help moments of fear, like when Chris felt Jared was being far too quiet for a student and slipped a corn snake in Jared’s bed.

Jared still hates snakes.

"Just got here and heard you say about not introducing someone to me. I wondered who you were hiding from me this time, Richard. You know, it didn’t work with Mark or Mike or Katie. Why try?" Misha asked, shooing Jared to shuffle further into the booth and sitting down next to him when Jared did so. Though with a somewhat bemused look on his face as he did.

"Who?" Jared asked, not able to hold himself back, though he could have sworn one of the psychiatrists was called Katie. How was Richard going to keep her from meeting Misha if that was who they were talking about?

"Some friends of Richards. He tried to hide them from me. Apparently I’m mentally unbalanced and should be kept away from other people who scare easily or something. Though, actually, I think he kept me away from Mark so that we wouldn’t join forces and plot behind his back. Richard gets a little paranoid sometimes. So who’s he hiding from me?" Misha asked Jared, and jared got the sudden realisation that he knew exactly what those animals caught in headlights felt like. Shooting a small look to Richard, who just shrugged, Jared looked back at a maniacally grinning Misha and metaphorically threw Jensen to the wolves.

"He’s talking about my housemate, Jensen. He’s a little… unusual. You’d probably get on well with him, if you ignored the whole fact that he’s a little… different. Actually, that might make you like him more," Jared mused, ignoring the sounds of Richard slamming his head into the table.

"Oh? How’s he unusual exactly? Is he unusual like most of our patients? Or just… kooky?" Misha asked him. It was only the completely straight, earnest face that made Jared ignore the fact a grown man had just used the word 'kooky' seriously.

"He’s… Jensen. Bit hard to explain him really. He’s a writer-"

"Ah, say no more. Writers are a whole world unto themselves. Is he published?" Misha asked him, sounding genuinely interested. Looking over at Richard, Jared saw that he too was interested in hearing the answer. Right then, Jared decided he was never going out without Jensen or he was never mentioning Jensen when out without him.

"Not really… well, unless you count fanfiction as being published. Well, technically he had a few articles published in Weekly World News but then they realised he was writing fictional stories, and not articles the public needed to know about. So they refused to publish him after that. It was only because he’s loaded and his older brother is a lawyer that they didn’t sue him. Plus, I think they thought he was a little simple when they finally met him and felt sorry for him. Considering he doesn’t actually have autism, he’s kinda their poster child." Richard snorted and tried to hide his amusement by taking a sip of his beer, though Jared knew exactly what he was trying to do. Why though was another thing entirely. Jared was used to exactly three reactions when it came to talking about Jensen; amusement, sympathy or sheer horror. Which was probably why Jared began to feel a little uncomfortable at Misha’s intrigued look.

"How did he get them published in the first place? And what fandoms does he write for?" Jared blinked and then gaped. Finally, shaking his head a little, he realised he should answer Misha’s questions. He just wasn’t too sure how or _why_ Misha wanted to know. He was pretty certain he didn’t want to know the answer to that though.

"He wrote them like they were actual articles just.. They weren’t. I mean, I can whole-heartedly say that I never went on a date and then decided to marry my dog because I could talk to him. Nor did I give birth to a tree and call it Dennis. And I didn’t find faeries at the bottom of my garden. I didn’t even have a garden until I moved back here," Jared exclaimed with a small sigh, shaking his head and ignoring the snickers coming from both of his new colleagues.

"So he makes you the central character to all of his stories then?" Richard asked, lips still twitching in suppressed amusement. Jared rolled his eyes and then huffed.

"Sort of. More he steals my dreams and uses them. Really, the only reason I don’t ask for a cheque from him is because he pays the rent. All of it. Like I said, he’s kinda loaded. Offered to pay my tuition for me as well, but I turned him down. Had it covered. Thinking about it, I should have taken him up on the offer and just spent my college fund on something else."

"You two are… close then?" Misha asked, looking like he was trying to find the right way to word the question. Not that Jared really understood why, it wasn’t like Jared was going to take offence, and Misha didn’t strike him as the type to really care if Jared _had_.

"You could say that."

"What degree did Jensen get? You said you met at college, right?" Richard asked him, and Jared just wondered why they were so interested in his and Jensen’s lives. Life? Chris would claim they were living the same one, so maybe the plural isn’t needed. Jared needed to spend less time thinking about these things and paying attention to what was going on around him going by the looks Richard and Misha were sending him.

"Oh! Um.. Jensen? Heh, you’ll never guess," Jared muttered, snickering as he realised he was going to be telling complete strangers Jensen’s biggest secret. Not that Jared understood why Jensen hid what his degree was in. Nor why he didn’t use it. Especially as it was a really good degree.

"I’d say something literary. Like English or something along those lines, but now you’ve said that, I’m beginning to wonder. So? Tell us," Misha told him, smiling widely at him. Jared smiled back and shrugged.

"You’d be right to wonder. Jensen didn’t take any course in English or anything like that. He has a double major in Mathematics and Design Engineering. He’s really good. Designed houses for me and all our friends for our birthdays once. Mine’s awesome," Jared told them with a wide smile, thinking about the house Jensen had designed for him. Jared had demanded another present as well, seeing as technically it would have been Jared _and_ Jensen’s house.

Jensen had agreed and had bought him a large bag of gummi worms.

"Really? So is that what he does as well as writing then?"

"Um… no. He doesn’t actually admit to what he’s got a degree in. No idea why."

"Huh. So, changing the subject slightly because Jared is beginning to fidget and look uncomfortable, what holidays do you have planned for the non-existent time off you’re taking, Richard?" Misha asked. Jared wondered if his question made sense to anyone else, because Jared was floundering in trying to work it out.

"Why do you ask when you know the answer?" Richard, clearly, knew exactly what Misha’s question meant. Considering it was aimed at him, that was probably a good thing.

"Fine, my subtle hint that you really need to use up some of your holiday time was clearly wasted. You should though. The upper-echelons are getting twitchy at the amount of time you aren’t taking off and thus need paying for. They get whiny when they get twitchy. Just saying," Misha commented lightly, and Richard rolled his eyes. Jared didn’t blame the man for not taking his holiday time. Jared doubted he would either.

"Carry on saying, I won’t change my mind. Do you have any holiday plans? You booked three weeks off in December over Christmas. Which was just plain sneaky, by the way. You knew that we always need three people to work over the Christmas period. It was mean."

"I worked Christmas last year!"

"No you never, you haven’t worked a Christmas shift for over four years now," Richard deadpanned, and Misha looked sheepish for a second before he shrugged and smirked.

"I’m the boss. I have perks."

"Good for you. So? Plans? I know you and Vicki normally go somewhere during your time off. So where to this year?" Richard asked him and Jared shifted, interested to know if only because he was plain nosey.

"We’re going skiing," Misha told them and Jared couldn’t hide the look of distaste that crossed his face. "What? You don’t like skiing?"

"I hate skiing," Jared admitted with a shrug, getting a horrified look from Misha and an amused one from Richard.

"What’s to hate? Skiing is brilliant! I love skiing! It’s like flying only… not."

"It’s spending hours not to fall over until your ankles give in and snap is what it is. Fun times," Jared muttered, nose wrinkling in dislike. Richard snorted and snickered whilst Misha just looked like Jared had disappointed him in the worst possible way.

"I take it you’re not good at skiing then?" Richard asked whilst Misha seemed to mourn Jared’s bad taste in sports. Or Jared’s common sense. Jared wasn’t too sure which Misha would class it under.

"I watched Jensen tie two pizza oven baking trays to his feet and then 'ski' down a hill… amazingly, he’s still alive," Jared told them with a roll of his eyes. It took a few seconds for that to sink in before Richard and Misha both burst into laughter.

Jared actually did spend quite a lot of time wondering how Jensen was still alive and relatively healthy.

It kept him awake at night sometimes.

Mostly because Jared got a little paranoid at times and started to think Jensen was possibly a cyborg sent to earth to destroy mankind. Admittedly, these thoughts only came after watching too much of the SyFy channel.

* * *

After having been working at his new job for two weeks, Jared wandered into the house from another long - and strange - day at work, somewhat exhausted and just wanting to hide in the living room with a beer and his dogs. And possibly Jensen if he couldn’t get rid of him - or distract him with something shiny.

Shoving his bag on the side table along with his keys, he decided to grab a file out of the bag on a patient that Richard was considering transferring over to Jared once he was over the trial period. Something Jared was really looking forward to.

Whilst he was rooting through his bag for the right file, and wondering absently just when Mary Poppins had found the time to steal his bag and fill it full of random shit no one would ever need - like the dog brush at the bottom, that was too small to even brush Sadie or Harley’s _ears_ with - he heard Jensen shuffle up to him from the kitchen, the dogs probably following behind him. It was times like this that Jared couldn’t help but absently wonder just who their owner actually was.

"Don't forget Steve's bringing his new girlfriend round tonight." Jared looked up and felt a whine rise in his throat at Jensen's words. Really, he just wanted his damned beer and to relax. Plus, he didn’t like Steve’s new girlfriend. He was sure of it. He’d never met her, but he knew he wouldn’t like her.

"Aw, Jen, no... she's a vegan! I swear, I hate vegans, we should shoot them all or something. I'm not cooking for her, I'm giving her a flashlight and she can go find something in the garden." Jensen snickered and then sent Jared a firm look, which utterly failed given his hair was lime green. Silently, Jared feared for the state of their bath.

"Now now, Jared. You know we have to be accepting of alternative lifestyles."

"Says who!!! I’m gay and I don’t wear fur! That’s alternative enough for me! And you! You’re insane! We’re fine on the whole equal rights thing! Being nice to vegans is pushing it!" Jared exclaimed, failing slightly and making Jensen finally give up the fight and erupt into giggles.

"Okay, pick on the vegan. Steve will kick your ass for it though."

"No he won’t! He’s a midget! But fine, I’ll be nice! Think she’ll know if I sneak dairy into her food?" Jared asked, eyes glinting with malicious glee. Jensen stared at him, giggled a little and then shook his head.

"Sure! Why not! We can watch her eagerly eat the 'animal death' or whatever it is she hates about… food, and make her twitchy!" Jensen cackled and rubbed his hands together, which made Jared feel a little guilty. He had promised Chris not to encourage Jensen after all. Not that Chris was completely innocent in that. Actually.

"Think Chris will help?"

"Chris hates her and thinks Steve can do way better! Of course he will!! Maybe we can make all of her dishes to look like animals, even if they’re vegan proof or whatever."

"Ooh! Roadkill!!! We could hang dead animals on the walls and shit! This is actually going to be fun!! I’m looking forward to it already!!"

"Me too!! I’ll call Chris. You start cooking or whatever it is you’re gonna do. We shall rendezvous in thirty minutes!" Jensen exclaimed, digging his phone out of his pocket and then waltzing out of the room, humming a random tune. Jared watched him leave and wondered if Jensen actually knew what rendezvous meant.

Heaving a sigh, Jared walked back to the kitchen counter, smiling down at Sadie when she snuffled at his leg, and wondered just what the hell vegans ate other than vegetables.

* * *

Jared smiled widely when he opened the door to let Chris, Steve and Steve’s new girlfriend, whose name Jared realised, Jensen had never told him. He then ushered them inside and waved them into the dining room - which was actually to be the study, but neither he nor Jensen had been bothered to build the desks yet.

Flat packs were the work of the devil; Jared was fairly certain. If he didn’t think it would get him some funny looks, he’d have had them exorcised. Then again, he wanted to get _Jensen_ exorcised for forcing him into Ikea in the first place.

Back to the issue at hand however, Chris had come over earlier that afternoon, first to tell them he whole-heartedly agreed with the decision to mess with Steve’s girlfriend’s head, and second, to put up a table for them. Of course, he’d been back an hour or so later with chairs once Jared and Jensen sheepishly admitted that they didn’t have those either. All was done with barely any complaint and only a couple of dark looks sent their way.

Jared had also been pulled aside by Chris and given a short scolding for encouraging Jensen’s crazy and not working on him to get better.

"It’s your job!" Was the exclamation he’d gotten when Jared had looked confused. Jared had then calmly told Chris that if he wanted to pay the exorbitant health fees that would come with Jared being Jensen’s private - and live in - psychiatrist, then Jared would be quite happy to do that. Chris had shut up after that, but scowled at him and told him to stop giving Jensen ridiculous ideas or they’d soon not be able to hide that he was certifiable and the men in white jackets would take him away.

Jared felt it wasn’t the place to tell Chris that they generally didn’t wear white jackets anymore and did, in fact, just wear suits. He considered that Chris was possibly already a little anxious and would probably hit him.

So now they had a table in the 'no-longer-a-study-but-will-be-one-day-should-they-dare-brave-the-dreaded-flat-packs' come dining room, complete with chairs. And a plasticky table cloth with the Toy Story characters on it that Jensen had proudly produced from… somewhere.

Jared didn’t ask.

And proudly set in the centre of the table was a huge, roasted chicken. Which was amusing, given they weren’t actually going to have chicken. Rare, bloody, almost twitching steaks were. As Jensen had stated 'If a good vet can’t revive it, it’s too well-done' when in reference to how it should be cooked. Jared couldn’t help but agree.

What was a vegan doing in Texas anyway?! And how hadn’t she been burnt at the stake yet? Probably in the same way he hadn’t. And Jensen was still free and not committed.

The world was just an unfair place. Or blind.

"Hi! So Jensen told me you were a vegan or er… whatever you want to call it. So um… that’s no animal products at all, right? Good good!" Jared stated with a smile before the poor woman could even answer. Behind them Jared spotted Jensen and Chris snickering quietly. Trust them to leave him alone with the vegan freak and a temperamental midget country singer. Really, Jared hated his friends sometimes.

And so wished he could use moments like these to back up his theory that people didn’t need friends. Nor did they want them.

"Jared?" Steve asked through clenched teeth. Jared just looked at him with wide, innocent eyes and then smiled brightly, hoping to blind them with his sheer adorability.

It didn’t work.

"Why is there a dead bird on the table?"

"Oh! That er… Well… So! I thought, for dessert, given you can’t have dairy, that I’d make you a special tart. I used rice milk, hope that’s fine!" Jared stated to the still rather bemused looking girl instead of answering Steve’s question.

"Rice milk is fine," the girl answered after a small pause, which of course made Jensen perk up and look adorably confused as he bounded over, Chris following cautiously behind.

"Rice milk?"

"Yes…" Jared answered slowly, wondering where Jensen was going with this.

"Milk from rice?"

"Yes."

"I didn’t know rice lactated! How do you think they did it? Oh! Ew! I can’t eat rice anymore! Mini nipples!" Jensen exclaimed, actually turning an alarming shade of green and making all four of the others step back from him.

"Erm… I don’t think that’s how it’s made, Jen," Jared said cautiously, hoping that Jensen wasn’t about to throw up on the floor in front of them. That would put a bit of a downer on the night.

"Really? You sure?"

"Fair positive. Rice, as far as modern science has ever been able to work out, isn’t actually a mammal of any kind and thus has no mammaries."

"What now?"

"Milk producing glands," Jared said, making Jensen blink at him blankly, whilst Jared sighed. "Nipples."

"Oh! Why didn’t you say that?!" Jared just sighed and decided to turn his attention back to Steve and his girlfriend.

"So! Vegan! How’s that going for you? Can you have chocolate?" Jared asked curiously, making the poor girl fidget under his stare. Steve just huffed next to her and rolled his eyes. Really, Jared figured if he carried on talking, at some point during the night, someone was going to say her name and Jared would know it and never have to own up that he’d never known it until that moment.

Or he would just call her Vegan.

Either would work.

* * *

"This is lovely tableware. All matching and stuff," the Vegan said when Jensen and Jared brought out the plates of food to eat. Jared had quietly and frantically asked Jensen what the poor girls name was and they had both agreed that it probably _wasn’t_ Vegan and Jensen was also fairly certain it began with an S. Possibly Sarah.

"Yeah… wasn’t matching this time last week," Jensen admitted with a wide grin as he placed his own plate on the table and sat down, glancing at Jared and snickering.

"Or yesterday," Jared agreed with a nod, getting a snort of amusement from Chris, whilst Vegan and Steve just stared at them.

"Hell, we didn’t have a table until a few hours earlier…" Jensen added, tipping his glass to Chris in a mock salute. By this point Chris was practically on the floor with his laughter and Steve and Vegan just looked a little stunned by it all. Well, Vegan did; Steve just looked resigned.

"We tended to eat out of er… well, the dog bowls if the take away didn’t come in little pots…" Jared admitted with a sheepish grin, ducking his head when Vegan actually looked scandalised, which confused Jared considering she didn’t actually eat.

"Well… that’s um… really?" Vegan asked them tentatively, warily pushing her food from one side of the plate to the other with her fork (stolen from Jared’s parents).

"Oh, don’t worry. They’re just exaggerating, aren’t you, guys?" Steve asked them. The glare he gave both of them made them both smile widely and nod their heads in fervent agreement.

"Sure we are!! How’s the food? Eat up! We have desert to come! Um… wait. Can you eat eggs?"

"No."

"Ah… well… _we_ have desert to come! You um… I can make you a coffee," Jared said with a weak smile, getting an equally weak one in return from Vegan and an exasperated glower from Steve.

"Well… coffee is good, I suppose."

* * *

"Ooh, this is nice, Jared," Chris exclaimed with an exuberant nod as he dug into his bowl of desert. Something Jared had found on the internet called Eton Mess, which was basically whipped cream, crushed meringue and fruit. Okay, so the fruit was from a tin and the meringue was shop bought, but he _had_ whipped the cream himself.

"Yeah… I’m not a fan of meringue," Jensen said, sticking his tongue out as he ate and pulling a face - though not actually stopping eating. Chris and Steve snorted whilst Jared just rolled his eyes.

"Nice! We’re trying to compliment the guy!" Chris exclaimed, still snickering. Jared decided to just sit back and throw Vegan a small smile when she looked at him with concern. Which was just plain disconcerting. Generally, no one looked at him with any amount of concern, mostly because they’d gotten to know that he was a bit of a strange one and would analyse them to the end of their days.

Or until they ran away.

Possible crying.

"What he’s actually saying is it’s shit," Chris explained with a wide smile even as he carried on eating.

"No! It’s totally edible!" Jensen said, as though that made everything better. Jared just snorted as he noticed that Jensen, by this point, was pretty much scraping the last of the cream off his plate. Actually, he looked like he was one step away from licking his plate clean. "It’s just not my favourite."

"If that’s the reaction something that’s 'not your favourite' gets, I’d love to see what your favourite desert gets!" Steve said with a laugh, getting a small, timid (totally vegan) giggle from Vegan.

"Jared made it, of course I’m gonna eat it all!" Jensen exclaimed, looking like that answer was clearly obvious. Jared sometimes didn’t even think all the training in the world would make him want to fathom Jensen’s mind. It was possibly why they had managed to live together for so long.

"That’s sweet. I mean, that you two are so in love that you’re willing to do things for the other that you might not like," Vegan said, getting stunned looks from the other four around the table before all of them burst into laughter, much to her confusion. "What?"

"Er… Jared and Jensen aren’t together, Jessica" Steve told her softly. Jared and Jensen might have been the ones to tell her, but they were too busy laughing hysterically along with Chris.

Though Jared did get that her name wasn’t actually Vegan. Go figure.

"What? Really? But… but they’re so…"

"Erotically codependent? Yeah, we know. It’s a fault of theirs," Chris told her through the snickers. Jared pouted and leant over to smack Chris on the back of his head.

"I resent that! We are not erotically codependent! We’re just… socially inept and have decided to cling together as we’re clearly the only people alive that will ever be able to put up with the other," Jared pointed out.

"You do have a point."

"So… you’re not together?" Vegan asked them, and Jared shook his head, whilst Jensen carried on snickering.

"Nope, Jensen’s actually straight, believe it or not. Well… he’s…"

"Breast-sexual!" Chris cried out, making Jared wonder just how much he’d had to drink.

"Pardon?" Vegan asked, sounding as confused as Jared kinda felt.

"No, no! I get what he means! I like boobs!! They’re awesome! I slept with Jared but well… he’s depressingly flat-chested! Boobs are the way to go! They’re the future! I should get a pair…" Jensen muttered, looking down as he mimed having a pair of breasts and made Jared panic when he realised that one day the inevitable would have and he’d have to break Jensen out of the place he worked. Which would both suck and yet be convenient.

* * *

Jared shut the door behind a still cackling Chris, a grumbling Steve and a slightly stunned Jessica and leant on it, looking through his fringe to see Jensen leaning on the wall, looking just as exhausted as Jared felt.

"Well… we didn’t kill them at least. And Steve didn’t kill _us_ , more importantly," Jared said wearily, getting a tired smile from Jensen.

"Very true. What was Vegan’s name again?"

"Shit… can’t remember. Did it begin with an S?"

"So she’s gonna be called Vegan from now on then?" Jensen asked, pushing off of the wall and leading Jared to the front room. They’d decided to just leave the cleaning up until the morning (and to the dogs).

"It’s not like she’s gonna last long, is it? Chris hates her and we all know that Steve will soon drop her once he realises his other half doesn’t like her."

"Other half?"

"Chris and Steve are like me and you, only… they’re in denial."


	4. Chapter 4

Part Four

Jared walked into the hospital on the Monday after the meal with Chris and Steve - who, according to Chris, was starting to get annoyed with Vegan (Jessica?) - and made his way to Richard’s office, frowning in confusion when he noticed that the man in question was standing outside his office, talking with Professor Collins.

"Ah! Doctor Padalecki! Just the man we were talking about!" Professor Collins called out as soon as he noticed Jared heading their way. Of course, none of this made Jared feel paranoid at all. Nope.

"Hi… um… is something wrong?" Not one ounce of paranoia. Richard chuckled and shook his head, motioning for Jared to walk over to them, which made Jared realise that he must have stood still upon being spoken to by Professor Collins. Not that he felt he was the first person to have that reaction, nor did he believe he’d be the last, either.

"Relax, Jared. You haven’t done anything wrong. Just the opposite in fact," Richard told him, smiling at him and making Jared relax marginally. Not completely though, given Professor Collins was still there, and Jared honestly believed it was impossible for anyone to relax completely around that man.

"Yes! I was talking to Richard this morning - at a completely unethical time in the morning, and using the fact that I’m on call to get me to speak to you before eight in the morning is surely against hospital policy - and he was saying that he thinks you might well be ready to get a few of your own patients already. Which is really high praise for you indeed!" Collins told him cheerfully. Jared blushed a little when Richard just smiled even wider at him and he turned his attention back to Collins.

"Thank you?" Okay, so Jared wasn’t really used to situations like these. It was safe to say that he had no idea how he was supposed to react to that, nor where the two in front of him were going with this.

"Well, anyway, I looked over the notes on your work and notes the other psychiatrists have made about you - Dr Cassidy was most praiseful about your help with Mr Banque, which is unusual on it’s own given Dr Cassidy’s spiky demeanour - and well, I have to agree. So you’re going to be given three patients, one of which isn’t really long term, and the office next to Dr Speight’s will be yours permanently. For this week, Richard will be available should you have any problems, but after that you will officially be out of your trial period and a full-time psychiatrist here! Congratulations and our condolences for your sanity," Professor Collins told him cheerfully, leading Jared all of five steps to stand in front of the office that Jared had actually thought belonged to the mysterious Dr Welling - whom Jared had never met and was beginning to think was a myth.

"I… really? I’ve got my own patients?" Jared asked, feeling - and probably looking - completely stunned by the outcome of the day. Given he was still recovering slightly from the meal two days before, he felt that this could possibly just a cruel hallucination brought about by the fact that Jared may have used cream that was somewhat out of date for the dessert.

"Sure have! Now, I’ve got to go and catch up on the sleep Richard so cruelly interrupted. I’d say that you know where I am if you need me, but try not to need me, okay?" Collins told him, walking back down the hallway towards the on-call apartment with a negligent wave over his shoulder. Jared just stared at his back for a few seconds before turning back to Richard.

"And I was worried that I was unprofessional on my first day… that man makes me seem normal. It’s an odd feeling," Jared admitted, getting an amused snort from Richard.

"He makes most people feel normal, including most of the patients here. Now, let’s go into your snazzy new office and I can talk to you about your new patients," Richard told him, opening the door for him and waving Jared into the sparsely decorated office and nudging him over to the large desk in the room. "Yeah, it’s a little empty right now, but given next week if our week on-call, you can use the time during that to spruce this place up a little. Lord knows we do bugger all else whilst chained to this place. As proven by The Prof just."

"It’s kinda…"

"Awesome? Over-whelming? Nerve-wracking?" Richard prompted, smirking from his seat opposite Jared. He shifted and moved to place his feet on the desk. Both looked shocked when Jared leant over and smacked his ankles seconds later.

"Erm… Don’t do that?" Jared asked, looking sheepish. Really, it wasn’t his fault he had a thing about feet on furniture. He blamed his mother completely for that little quirk.

"Right… I’ll keep that in mind for future reference. Anyway, ignoring that, I’ll tell you about your patients, shall I?" Richard asked, leaning over the side of his chair to pull three thick files out of his bag and placing them on Jared’s desk. "So, you’ve got three patients. You’ve worked with all three of them, as they used to be my patients, so don’t worry too much about being thrown in the deep end."

"Okay, that sounds good to me. So… who will I be the psychiatrist for?" Jared asked, leaning over and tugging the files tentatively towards him.

"Glad you asked!" Richard said with a wide, slightly foreboding, smile. "So, first up - and your first appointment of the day - you have Patient B29, otherwise known as Robert Benedict. You’ve got all his notes in that file and I think you know most of why he’s here, so you should be fine there. Then you have Patient R13, Angela Roberts, who seemed to open up a little to you, so we figured it might be benficial to her for you to be her main psychiatrist. And finally - and I’d like to say I argued against this for you, but the Prof is spiteful and cruel if woken up early - you have Patient R41, Michael Rosenbaum."

Jared’s groan of pain and a thump from his head hitting his desk interrupted whatever else Richard was going to say about that patient. Giving a small whimper, Jared looked up threw his fringe at Richard, using his puppy dog eyes to their full. And being completely shocked when he realised that the man opposite him had puppy dog eyes that trumped even Sadie’s.

"Don’t think about it. You’re stuck with Mr Rosenbaum."

"Fuck. Why?" Jared whined. He was well aware that he was whining and he felt that the whining was fully needed. Michael Rosenbaum was someone that needed to be shot for the benefit of mankind. He was the type of creature - Jared refused to believe he was human - that actually _sent_ perfectly sane people round the twist.

"Because he’s in and out of here on a regular basis so Professor Collins felt that he’d be perfect as he wouldn’t overload you. Really, you only have two and a half patients."

"Except that 'half' is Michael Rosenbaum, so in reality, I have five patients and soon my own room in Ward 5. Awesome," Jared grumbled, pouting and glaring at the file in front of him as though all his woes were its fault.

"Oh come now, I’ve been his main psychiatrist for over five years now and look at me! I’m perfectly fine!" Richard said with a wide smile, snickering when it just made Jared turn his glare to him.

* * *

Jared fidgeted behind his desk as he waited for his first appointment of the day, one Robert Benedict, who had schizophrenic delusions and had been a full time patient here for the past year and a half. Jared had met him a couple of times over the past couple of weeks, and he seemed like a nice enough man.

Of you ignored the delusions of grandeur.

Jared looked up and smiled kindly when his door was pushed open and Rob walked into the room followed by Richard.

"I’ll stick around in the background for today, okay?" Richard asked, and Jared smiled at him and nodded.

"That’s fine! Sorry about the somewhat unwelcoming room, Robert. It’ll be a little more warm and welcoming by next week, I promise!" Jared said to the nervous, twitchy man sitting in front of him.

"S’fine." Jared had to almost strain himself to hear Rob speak the man was that quiet. Really, none of what you saw or heard of Robert Benedict, actually corresponded with the man’s delusions.

"So, Rob! How have you been?"

"Exhausted. Sometimes being God isn’t all it’s cracked up to be," Rob mumbled, and Jared mentally gave a small sigh. Really, coming across someone who thought he was God was not something Jared ever thought would happen to him. But here he was, sitting across from God, apparently.

Sometimes Doctor/Patient confidentiality sucked. He just knew Jensen would love to hear about this.

* * *

"Hello, Ms Roberts! How are you today?" Jared greeted his second patient of the day a good two hours after he’d first met his first patient. Richard was still in the room with him, silently taking notes and just giving Jared silent support.

"Dr Jared." It had been decided early in the first week of working with Richard, that the patients would just call him Dr Jared. Really, there was only so many variations of his name that he could put up with hearing before he snapped, so he was quite happy with that arrangement.

"Learn anything new today?" Jared asked. Ms Roberts - who refused to answer to anything other than that - was here for many reasons, though it was believed that most were a cause of her having a major mental breakdown. One thing about her that Jared picked up on and used to his advantage to make her more comfortable around him was her love of obscure and random facts.

Jared had no shame in admitting he used Jensen to his fullest to get new facts he could use with the woman. Jensen still had no clue.

"Apparently a left-handed lemon is an orange," Ms Roberts told him, and Jared stared at her blankly, ignoring the soft chuckling from Richard behind him.

"Er…" Jared made a small motion for her to expand on that, because all Jared was thinking was clearly not where she was going with this. Or at least, he hoped not as that would mean she was more insane than they had originally thought.

"Like… an orange is the exact opposite, molecularly speaking, to a lemon," Ms Roberts went on to explain, and Jared noticed out the corner of his eyes, that even Richard looked intrigued.

"Oh, right. That is interesting actually," Jared admitted with a nod, mentally committing that to memory so he could tell Jensen when he got home. Sometimes, Ms Roberts’ little facts surprised Jared as most of the time she came across as something of a ditz. The times when she didn’t actually came as a surprise to Jared, which really shouldn’t be a good thing to admit and made Jared feel a little mean.

"Do you think they make scissors for both?" And then she said something that just proved to Jared that he was talking to the female version of Jensen who just wasn’t lucky enough to have a psychiatrist friend that hid him from the people wanting to commit him.

* * *

The hour that Jared had been dreading arrived and he was only thankful that it meant when he got through this, he could go home soon after. He had a feeling he’d need a stiff drink once he got home.

The door opened after a cheerful knock and Jared muffled the sigh that wanted to escape when an exuberant bald man barged into the room with a wide smile on his face, and he threw himself into the seat across from Jared.

"Huh, kind of got a dull room here, Doc. Not very soothing, is it? Don’t know if I feel comfortable telling you my deep, dark secrets in here," Michael told him breezily, smiling toothily at him when Jared just stared.

"Right. Hopefully it’ll be nicer by the end of the week. I only moved in today. Sorry," Jared said, honestly trying his hardest to actually sound sorry as well, but probably failing.

"Well, I guess I’ll just have to put up with it then, won’t I? So, I hear you’re my new doc, Dr P. Good times!" Michael exclaimed with a smirk. Jared only just managed to hold in the whimper that wanted to escape. Really, he kinda hated his new boss.

"Indeed. So how has everything been, Michael?" Jared asked, absently making a shopping list on the notebook in front of him. He really needed to remember that they needed milk.

"Boring! Why am I not allowed the good stuff in here?"

"Because there’s not really anything wrong with you and we don’t actually know why you keep admitting yourself. Other than the fact that you are stalking Doctor Welling that is. Unless you still want to pretend that you think you’re Lex Luther and Dr Welling is Clark Kent, of course. But then, you still won’t be getting any medication for that, because we know you don’t actually believe it. So, Michael, want to tell me why you keep admitting yourself? I mean, this place isn’t cheap," Jared pointed out, adding dog treats to the list and black cherries. He’d been craving them earlier.

"I get bored. Tommy will one day admit that he loves me and we belong together, I figure if I keep reminding him of what he’s missing out on, then he’ll eventually cave to the inevitable. It’ll work eventually, just wait," Michael told him, and Jared sighed, adding beer to the list and underlining it twice.

"Dr Welling is married. To a woman. And you’re not gay. So don’t mind me if I’m a little confused about everything," Jared told Michael, leaning forward a little to look at the man sitting opposite him.

"Did you know I’m actually Lex Luther? I’ve got the suspicion that one of your doctors might be that annoyance, Superman." Jared just sighed and mentally held back from slamming his head into the desk.

There was a reason he didn’t want Michael Rosenbaum as a patient. The man was the most irritating being on planet earth.

* * *

"Jen," Jared called out, stopping Jensen from entering his bedroom as he turned around to face Jared, eyebrow raised in question.

"Hmm?" Just in case Jared missed said eyebrow, apparently.

"Just, you haven’t forgotten that I’m not actually going to be here for the next week, right? I’m on-call, so I’ll just be staying at the hospital."

"I know," Jensen told him, smiling brightly at him and not making Jared feel any better about leaving the man alone. Which was clearly a stupid worry, given Jensen was a grown man and generally was the one to watch out for Jared, but still, he worried.

"Right… well, I’ve called Chris to tell him and he’s promised he’d come over and make sure you’re eating and not just staring at the computer screen all day in the pretence of writing-"

"I write!"

"And that you’ve also fed Harley and Sadie," Jared continued as though Jensen hadn’t interrupted. "But you both know how to contact me if something happens, like you burn the house down or something… please don’t burn the house down."

"I won’t! Jay, I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself you know. I’ll be fine! Fuck, we’re not gonna have this every month, are we? This isn’t going to be your version of PMT, is it? Because if it is, I might shoot you. Just fair warning there," Jensen told him, narrowing his eyes at Jared when Jared shifted guiltily. There’s a chance that Jensen is right about the whole PMT thing.

"Sorry. I’m just… I’m kinda nervous," Jared finally admitted, dragging a hand through his hair and slumping against the doorframe.

"Ah… is this because of the fellow psychiatrist that you’re on-call with and therefore going to be living with for a week?" Sometimes Jensen shocked Jared with his insight.

"Possibly… Jen! I’ve only ever got on with one person I’ve lived with. You! Well… Chris was okay, I guess… but still! Richard’s a psychiatrist! He’s going to realise that I’m not actually shy at all, just antisocial and weird!"

"I think he probably already knows that," Jensen pointed out bluntly, not sounding apologetic in the least and ignoring the wounded puppy look that Jared shot him. Of course, that look did nothing to Jensen because he’s heartless. "I’m a cat person. Puppies can drown fro all I care."

"Jensen! What about Harley and Sadie?!"

"Oh yeah… well, I like them. They’re awesome. Wait, what were we talking about again?" Jensen asked, looking a little confused and somewhat rumpled. Which was weird, because Jared had no clue how he’d gotten to look so disheveled in the ten minutes they’d been talking — and not moving.

"I… I have no idea. Just… er… Please don’t burn the house down and don’t forget to feed the dogs, yeah?"

"Why, where are you going?"

"Oh for the—I knew you weren’t listening to me! I’m going on-call! I won’t be here for the next week!"

"Oh yeah! I do remember you telling me about that. Right, sorry. Just a bit tired. So… you heading to work at the normal time then? Guess I won’t be seeing you until next Monday then, huh? That’s kinda… sad."

"Jen, it’s not like I’m moving out! It’s a week! You’ll be fine. Right?" Jared asked after a small pause. He rubbed Harley’s head absently when the dog leant on his leg, and looked at Jensen with concern.

"Yeah, of course I will, Jay! Like I said, I’m a grown man and out of the two of us, I’m the one that makes sure you don’t decide to touch the iron with your hand just to check that it’s on."

"Once! I did that once!"

"Yeah… once is normally one time more than normal people would try. Just saying. Now, I’m gonna head to bed. I’m exhausted. Have fun at work. Try to act normal. Jump Dr Speight’s bones," Jensen told him with a leer, then walked into his room, closing the door behind him. Jared just stood in his doorway, staring at where Jensen had been before he jerkily turned and walked into his own room.

Jumping Richard was not going to be on the cards.

* * *

Jared was right, of course. He didn’t jump Richard at all during the week they pretty much lived together in the small apartment rooms in the hospital. Not that Jared wasn’t tempted.

Of course, by the time Sunday evening rolled round, Jared was also looking forward to going home the next morning and having a day off. He was completely worn out from having to deal with all the patients in the hospital that had a problem late at night _and_ also hold back from just mauling Richard in hopefully pleasant ways, but more likely to be more shocking than anything. Given the man was a fair bit shorter than Jared, it probably wouldn’t have gone down all that well.

And there was really no way to get relief from being in an almost constant state of arousal when the person you’re aroused over was sleeping in the small bed opposite you.

It sucked.

Jared’s balls actually might be blue.

He wouldn’t know, mind, because he didn’t have the time or privacy to damn well check and/or do something about it if they were. Really, someone actually truly hated Jared.

"Looking forward to finally being able to go home tomorrow?" Richard asked, sitting on his own bed, back against the wall and book that he had been reading, lying on his lap as he looked at Jared.

"Hmm? Yeah. I’m a little concerned about a message I got from Jensen on Wednesday, but I haven’t heard anything since. So either he’s dead and I have no home to go to, or everything’s fine. I’m hoping everything’s fine," Jared muttered, dragging a hand through his hair as he stared at the ceiling from his place lying on his bed.

"Which do you think it is though?" Richard asked, and Jared didn’t even have to look at him to know the man was holding back laughter.

"Knowing my luck, the first one," Jared muttered, not able to hold back the pout and just thankful that Richard couldn’t actually see his face properly. He heard Richard start to snicker in amusement and knew his pout was just growing.

"Aw, surely he’s not the bad. What did the text say?" Richard asked once he’d apparently managed to control his laughter. Jared cringed at the thought of the text he’d been sent and wondered if it was wise to try and smother himself in front of a psychiatrist.

Probably not.

"It said 'Jared, it was Harley’s fault. Honest. Me and Sadie had nothing to do with it. Promise. See you Monday!' I honestly don’t want to know what the hell that was supposed to mean. I’m not too sure I want to know either," Jared admitted with a groan.

"Who are Harley and Sadie? I can’t remember you saying that you and Jensen lived with anyone else," Richard told him, and Jared looked over at him when he heard Richard moving, the man was now lying on his side on the bed and staring at him with great interest.

"We don’t. Neither me nor Jensen would exactly do well living with someone else. I’d make them twitchy apparently, or hide from them. Jensen would just… well, I don’t know. He’s somewhat better at dealing with strangers than I am," Jared mused, wondering whether Jensen would proposition the imaginary housemate or drag them into some random, wild idea to try to fly or something.

Afterall, he’d done both to Jared. Only one worked. Well, sort of. Technically, if Jared was honest with himself - and he found it almost impossible to lie to himself without analysing the reasons _why_ \- then he was the one who propositioned Jensen. But, in his defence - which was weak and shoddy at the best of times - Jensen had actually hit on him when they’d first met… Jared just hadn’t realised that was what he was doing.

Though, if they’re honest, Jensen would hit on a poodle if he thought it would be socially acceptable.

Actually, he probably wouldn’t give a shit about public opinion.

"Ah, so… who are they then?"

"Harley and Sadie?" Jared asked, having gotten a little lost in my thoughts for a few seconds there and totally forgetting what they were originally talking about. At Richard’s nod, Jared rolled his eyes. "They’re my dogs."

"Your… dogs?! What on earth could a dog have done that Jensen thinks he’ll get the blame for?" Richard asked, chuckling at the completely ridiculous answer, Jared assumed.

"Knowing that dog? Anything. But knowing Jensen? Something he’s actually done and is trying to pin on the dog. Plus, given I’ve had complete silence on the end of Chris and Steve as well, chances are high they’re involved. Oh god, I hope they haven’t tortured Vegan," Jared groaned, wincing for what they could have done to the poor girl if she hadn’t taken Steve finishing things with them very well.

"Vegan? Is that another pet?"

"Oh no, that’s an actual person. Steve’s ex-girlfriend. She’s a vegan," Jared added, like it explained everything. Which it kinda did.

"Does she have an actual name or does she actually answer to Vegan?" Richard asked, amusement so very apparent in his voice.

"Sure she has a name. Never bothered to remember it though. She annoyed me. Vegans as whole annoy me… wait, are you analysing me?" Jared suddenly asked, rolling onto his side and glaring at Richard.

"Well, the brightside is that you’re getting this for free!" Richard told him with a sheepish grin. His laugh was cut off when Jared threw a pillow into his face.

* * *

Jared bit down on his lip before he took a deep breath and decided to just get it over with. Rip the band aid off in one swift pull so to speak. And hope that the inside of the house looked just as intact as the outside did.

If one was to ignore the fact that they had a chimney at the side of the driveway. Which Jared was happy to do.

"Jensen? You home? Of course you’re home, why ask such a stupid question, Jared? Where else is he going to be? He doesn’t leave the house," Jared muttered to himself, breathing a tiny sigh of relief when he noticed that the hallway at least looked intact.

"Jay? That you? You ho-shit. No, stay. Don’t… um… Hang on, Jay!" Jared felt his stomach sink when he heard Jensen’s shout and subsequent muffled cursing from the man as whatever was happening in the front room didn’t go to plan. A muffled crash was the thing that moved Jared from his spot frozen by the front door and quickly made his way to the living room.

Pushing the door open, Jared stopped in the doorway and just stared, for once speechless. Jensen, Chris, Steve and even the dogs, all turned to face him looking guilty and sheepish, and all covered in paint.

"What the hell? I was only gone a week! How did you… what happened to the wall?! And please tell me that’s not out chimney outside," Jared muttered, wondering just when it was that he became the responsible adult of the group. He could have sworn they’d all sat down and agreed that that was Steve’s job.

"Ah, Jared. Um… didn’t Jensen tell you to wait a minute?" Steve asked, making Jared turn to gape at him.

"What were you going to do in a minute that would possibly cover up that?!" Jared asked, waving at the wall, which now had a large hole in it, only half of which was covered in newly laid plaster.

"Actually, I was kinda gonna tell you you looked tired and suggest you go to bed. Which… you look tired, Jay. Why don’t you go have a lie down?" Jensen suggested in a hopeful tone. Jared just glared at him balefully and then sighed.

"Fine! I’m going to my room. I just… how was this possibly Harley’s fault? Do I even want to know what actually happened?" Jared asked warily, still not quite able to take his eyes away from the wall.

"Well… it’s actually a really funny story… that I’ll tell you… later. How was work, by the way? Did Dr Speight pop your rehymenated cherry?" Jensen asked him, smirking when Jared sputtered his denial out. Unfortunately, Jensen’s crude and somewhat disturbing question dragged Chris and Steve’s attention onto him.

"Jared?! Did you get laid? Ooh! Did you play naughty doctor and nurse? Wait… no. Don’t tell me if you did, that image is nasty," Chris exclaimed with an exaggerated shudder. Jared didn’t bother dignifying it with an answer, he just stepped forward and punched Chris on the shoulder. "Hey! That actually hurt… ow!"

"You kinda deserved it, Chris. Seriously though, Jared. You’re hooking up with doctors now? So very not you," Steve said, smirk completely ruining the kind-hearted tone he was going for.

"No! Nothing happened! Well… nothing other than Richard being highly amused by the ominous text I got from Jensen and subsequent explanation of what he could have possibly done. I’ll admit, putting a damned hole in the wall wasn’t something I had come up with," Jared muttered, huffing and moving to sit on the couch, ignoring the shouts from the other three men.

And immediately regretting it when he felt something felt ooze on the seat of his trousers. Slumping down on the seat and moving to rest his head in his hands, Jared didn’t even want to know…

"You just sat on the paint," Jensen helpfully provided, looking a little startled when Jared looked up at him and growled.

"Yeah, thanks for that. Your roots are showing," Jared sniped back, making Jensen make a small noise of distress and immediately run his hands - his paint covered hands - through his currently lilac hair. Jared thought that retribution was a brilliant feeling.

"Uh… oh shit. Fucker! Oh, now I need a shower. And I only dyed my hair two days ago! Damn you, Jared!" Jensen whined, hurriedly rubbing the rest of the drying paint off his hands onto his jeans and then futilely trying to get rid of the paint in his hair by rubbing at it. Which probably just made it worse but Jared certainly wasn’t going to tell him that.

Judging by the amused looks Steve and Chris were throwing them, neither were they.

"By the way, Richard said he wanted to meet you three. Fuck knows why, but there you have it. I can only make excuses for so long before my colleagues start to think you’re all imaginary. Sadly, given my profession and that of my colleagues, that’s kinda shorter than is probably normal. So… next Friday? You’re all free and you’re all going to meet a few of my colleagues at the bar near the hospital. Consider it a payment for… that," Jared told him with a stressed wave at the wall. He then stood up, wincing at the squelching noise that movement made and the feeling of wet cotton sticking to the back of his thighs.

"Friday? We’re free Friday, right, Steve? Totally free! Plus, we _all_ want to meet this mysterious doctor," Chris told him with a leer.

"On second thoughts, I’m going to admit to Richard that you’re all a figment of my imagination and he’ll never get to… no. You can all have to pleasure of meeting Misha! You’ll love him," Jared told them with a smirk. He moved over to the door, stifling his yawn as he turned back to face them all, stepping aside when Sadie and Harley passed him to the hallway and grinning when he noticed the wary looks on all three men’s faces.

"Misha?"

"Yep! He’s… awesome. So don’t forget, Friday. Come here for eight and we can head to the bar together," Jared told them, giving a satisfied nod when all three men nodded.

"Wait… who puts a bar next to a psychiatric hospital? Don’t… alcoholics and stuff go there? Bit cruel," Chris stated with a confused look on his face.

"No, we’re a hospital for batty people, not rehab. So no one cares that it’s possibly not the most practical of places for a bar because to be frank, the staff of the hospital _need_ the bar by the end of the week. Friday, eight. Forget at your own peril," Jared warned them, finally moving to leave the room and go to his own room. He felt like he was going to sleep the day away.

"Since when did Jared become mean?" He heard Steve’s question just as the door shut behind him. Sadly that meant he didn’t hear the answer.

It was still nice that Steve thought he was mean though. Fear was awesome.

* * *

Jared was man enough to admit that he was actually a little nervous about his friends meeting his work colleagues. He was pretty sure you couldn’t get fired just because you have a shoddy taste in friends - not that Jared felt he had a shoddy taste in friends. He just didn’t have a choice, it was akin to feeding a stray dog, they never left - or because one of said friends did something humiliating.

He hoped.

Of course, none of this actually helped calm his nerves as he got changed into a clean shirt and pair of jeans. He looked up - and then flailed as he lost his balance and did a one footed hopping dance across his floor before falling on his bed - when he heard the doorbell being rung. Thankfully hurried footsteps down the stairs told him that Jensen had gone to answer it, so Jared had the time to untangle his legs from his jeans and try to dress himself successfully this time.

Properly dressed - and a little bruised - Jared made his way down stairs to where Jensen was talking to Chris and Steve. They all stopped laughing about whatever it was they found amusing when they noticed Jared standing at the foot of the stairs, which didn’t make Jared feel paranoid at all. Nope.

"What were you talking about?" Well, possibly just a little, but well, it wasn’t paranoia if they really were out to get you - or talking about you in this case.

"Oh, you know, this and that. How you’re all adorable, like a teen going on his first date," Chris cooed, laughing at the glare Jared shot him.

"Technically, it is his first date," Jensen pointed out, smiling widely in a 'aren’t I adorable?' way that made Jared grind his teeth.

"No it is—okay, fine, were this to be a date, it’d be my first one. But it’s not a date! If it were, it already sucks seeing as you three are tagging along like over-bearing parents." Jared huffed as he shoved Jensen out of the way of the fridge and pulled out a beer, only to make a wounded noise when it was immediately snatched out of his hands. "Hey!"

"You’re the Des for tonight. No drinking. Besides, you have work tomorrow, can’t show up to your patients growling like an angry bear and smelling like a brewery just because we let you get drunk. That would just be irresponsible on all of our behalves!" Jensen told him cheerfully, not in the least affected by the narrow-eyed stare Jared was currently sending his way. Steve chuckled and moved over - probably to stop Jared beating Jensen up, which wouldn’t really happen… not really. Much.

"How come I’m the Des?!"

"Because you’re dragging us to this. So we voted you to be the driver for the night, deal with it, Jared. Plus, like Jenny said, you’ve got work tomorrow so you won’t be drinking anyway!" Chris told him cheerfully, moving over to them to throw an arm over Jared’s shoulder - quite the achievement given the height difference between the two.

"Fine, whatever. We’d better get going anyway if we wanna get there on time. Come on. And guys… please don’t make a dick out of me. I really don’t need the help with that one, I’m good enough at it myself," Jared muttered, gently coaxing them to leave the kitchen and the house. He silently hoped he survived the night.

* * *

"Jared! Over here!" Jared thanked his height when he heard Richard shout his name and looked over the heads of the people in the bar to see that his colleagues had all managed to somehow commandeer a booth and a table. From what Jared could see, there was plenty of room for the whole group of people that would be there.

"Guys, over there," Jared told Chris who was nearest to him. Chris elbowed Steve and Jensen and they all followed Jared to the table with the others. "Hi."

"Jared!! Good to see you made it! And with friends!! So they really _are_ real!! Huh… damn, guess I lost that bet," Misha muttered, having stood up from his place at the table to exuberantly greet Jared. Jared ignored the snickering coming from behind him and greeted everyone else at the table, shocked to see the normally anti-social - even more so than Jared, which was saying something - Dr Welling, or Tom if you dared call him that.

"Yeah, hi. This is Jensen, Steve and Chris. Guys, this is Richard, Misha, Tom, Danneel and Katie," Jared said, nodding to each person as he said their name. And then mentally rolling his eyes when he noticed Chris and Jensen drooling over Danneel. "Right! Now we know where we’re sitting, we’ll go get some drinks! Jensen, Chris, with me. Now."

Jensen and Chris both looked at him, startled as though they’d actually forgotten he was there when confronted by the vision that is Dr Danneel Harris. Really, Jared wondered why he bothered sometimes. Going by the amused look on Danneel’s face, she had noticed their leers. Steve just looked bemused as he took a seat next to Katie whilst Jared dragged the other two back to the bar.

"Jay… why do you need three of us to get some drinks?" Jensen asked, looking wary and rubbing at his wrist where Jared had pulled him away.

"I’m with Jen, why did you need me?"

"Here’s the deal. You two are my best friends. I love you and because of that, I will happily kill you both if you hook up with Dr Harris… Danneel!" Jared explained at their blank looks. He scowled when they both started to protest. "No! I work with her and neither one of you knows the meaning of the word commitment when applied to a relationship!"

"Hey! That’s not nice! I can commit! I just haven’t found anyone worthy of my commitment yet. Dr Harris might be the one! You could be standing in the way of true love!" Chris explained, drooping a little at at Jared’s steely stare.

"Uh huh. What does she look like? You know, her face, not her impressive chest," Jared added before Chris could actually reply.

"Fine! Fine! Whatever! Besides, you do know that during this, Jensen has gone back to the table, right? So we’re all fucked."

"Oh Danneel will eat Jensen alive. We’ll be fine," Jared reassured him with a pat to his shoulder. "But whilst you’re here, you might as well help me get the drinks now. After all, you’ve got to admit, she’s gonna pay more attention to Jen, than you, if given the chance."

"You wound me, Jared. Wound me."

"The truth, my friend, it hurts."

* * *

Later that night and Jared still had his job at least. He supposed that was a positive part to the night and so was something at least.

Less positive part of the night was that Jensen seemed to be succeeding in going… somewhere with Danneel and Steve was getting on a little too well with Misha, which made Jared worry about the world, but figured at least Steve would keep Misha from killing indiscriminately.

Of course, another upside to all of that was that it left Jared free to talk to Richard without having a background chorus of 'Kiss the Girl' being sung to them. Really, there was only once anyone could go through that, even if it _was_ to an old friend in uni called Chad. Jared had actually felt bad for the guy for all of five minutes. Four minutes longer than he normally managed for people not himself.

So Jared at least had to admit he was happy that he was talking to Richard unbothered by the fearsome threesome - which was normally a foursome, but he didn’t actually fear himself, nor did he openly mock himself.

"Gotta admit, I actually had thought you were joking when you said Jensen changed his hair colour more often than most male teenagers changed their underwear. Seeing him now though, I finally realise you were telling the truth," Richard told him, both men turning to look at Jensen and his now powder blue hair.

"Yep. I think he’s looking forward to the point all of his hair drops out from the abuse and then he has a valid excuse to wear weird and random wigs," Jared admitted with a shake of his head, snorting when he noticed Jensen playing with Danneel’s hair as he tried to seduce her; somehow by using her hair?

"When do you think Danneel’s gonna let him know that she’s not interested and will be going home with a completely different Gen?" Richard asked him, amusement clear in his voice.

"I figure she won’t have a choice but to own up when Gen’s shift is over and she joins us. When is that, by the way?" Jared asked, feeling highly amused at just the thought of how Jensen will react to Gen.

"Um… about twenty minutes. Give or take. So you clearly didn’t tell him when you dragged him and Chris was it? When you dragged them over to the bar. The question is, why not?"

"They would have both seen it as a challenge. Plus, why take that amusement away from me? It’s going to be hilarious to see Jensen’s reaction!" Jared said, and the laugh from Richard told him that Richard agreed with that statement.

"They don’t seem that bad though. I’ll admit I’m a little nervous about how well Misha and Steve are getting on, but ignoring that; your friends get on well with the rest of us. And clearly you feel more comfortable with them around you," Richard pointed out. Jared glanced over at him warily, wondering what he meant by that.

"What makes you say that?"

"You just are. Nothing to be ashamed of. It’s totally understandable for you to be more relaxed and comfortable when you know you’ve got your closest friends with you," Richard pointed out and Jared snickered into his drink.

"Yeah… Possibly. They’re good guys to have your back, unless the guy is taller than Jensen, then Jensen runs screaming and hides behind me. Though an upside to being six and half foot tall means not many people bother you," Jared added as an aside, making Richard laugh again, before calming down and looking at something past Jared’s shoulder.

"Look’s like it might be time to console your friend," Richard warned him with a chuckle as he nodded to whatever he was looking at. Jared turned and saw that Genevieve Cortese, receptionist at the hospital and long time partner of Danneel, had just walked in the door. Jared smirked and looked over to see if Danneel had noticed, his grin growing wider when he saw that she had indeed.

"You know, knowing Jensen like I do, he’ll try at least once to convince them both into a threesome," Jared muttered dryly, grinning when that made Richard choke on the drink he’d just taken.

"Danny! Hey, baby! Sorry I’m a little late. You wouldn’t believe the kind of crap Professor Morgan had me file. Hey, Jared! You bought your friends then! Cool! Glad I won that little bet. No one could make up friends like yours, not even the greatest imagination in the world." Jared looked at Gen with a vague sense of amusement, eyes flitting quickly to Jensen, getting to see the man’s confused expression before back to Gen. Who was just someone you never wanted to take your eyes off of for too long.

Kinda like the angel’s in Doctor Who.

"Hey, Gen. Glad to know you had my back when it came to believing me," Jared told her with a small smile. Which grew when Danneel stood up and walked over to Gen, dragging her into a deep kiss. Jared’s attention was quickly drawn by the soft sputtering of Jensen, as he apparently choked on his drink and was being helped by Katie.

Who was probably a better match for Jensen anyway, if Jared was being honest.

If only because she was straight at least.

"Jen? Doing okay over there?" Jared asked with a wide, toothy smile. It only grew when Jensen shot him a wounded stare. "Oh come on! Admit it! It’s funny!! Chris agrees with me!"

"Dude! Your face!" Chris did indeed agree with him given the cackling coming from the man. Jared was with Chris, Jensen’s face was hilarious.

"Aw, honey. If I was interested in cock, I would definitely have chosen yours to try out," Danneel reassured Jensen, who just gaped at her for a second, before exhaling loudly and scowling at Jared as he stood up.

"I’m going to get a drink. Jared’s paying, anyone else want one?" Jensen asked, holding out Jared’s wallet. Jared stared at him, wondering just when the hell it was that Jensen had taken that.

"Hey!"

"Suck it up, dude. Drinks all round then?" Jensen asked, getting pretty much unanimous agreement from everyone else around the table, whilst Jared just slumped back in his seat in defence.

"Jerk," Jared muttered under his breath, glaring at Richard when the man just chuckled.

"Don’t get too angry. You did basically cockblock him after all," Richard pointed out, making Jared huff but silently concede the point. "So, speaking of cockblocking. When exactly are we going to hook up?"

No one could blame Jared for falling off his chair after that. And the fact that everyone just laughed at him was just a bit mean. Really, who would be able to keep their balance when their crush had basically point blank propositioned them.

That was also his excuse for why it took him so damn long to actually answer.

* * *

Jared was well aware that he was starting to panic as he flung every article of clothing he owned out of his closet, whilst Jensen sat indian style on his bed, watching him in amusement as he silently ate marshmallow fluff out of a tub. Growling, Jared spun round and pierced him with a glare.

"Waff dum won mow?" Jensen asked him around the spoon in his mouth, eyes wide as he leant back away from Jared slightly.

"You’re not helping me! That’s what! Jensen!!!" Jared whined, throwing himself onto a bean bag that he had nicked from work - and felt no remorse about whatsoever - and stared at Jensen pleadingly.

Jensen swallowed and took the spoon out of his mouth before speaking to Jared, "not too sure what it is you think I can help you with. Other than telling you that you have far too many pink shirts in there, but you probably already know that given most of them are now draped over me."

"Not. Helping," Jared muttered through gritted teeth. He turned his puppy dog eyes, which he’d now moved up to 'pathetic' levels and stared Jensen down, inwardly smirking when the man started to twitch.

"Why are you spazzing out so much, Jay? It’s just a date. A first date. You won’t put out until at least the seventh. We know. Chris and Steve worked it out. Don’t ask me how, I spaced out when they asked me where X was. Who’s X?!" Jensen asked, before shaking his head and looking at Jared with shrewd eyes, "so why are you so on edge about this?"

"Because I’ve been trying to get into his pants for the past month and a half! And if I at least look good, then maybe he’ll overlook the fact that I’m pretty much a virgin, completely neurotic and mentally fucked!" Jared finally exploded, actually feeling a little destressed after he’d let it all out.

"Huh. You’re right. You really need to look hot for him to overlook those parts of you. Right then, those jeans I bought you for Christmas last year and er… hmm…" Jensen stood up, flinging the jeans at Jared when he found them at the bottom of his wardrobe and then started to rummage through the remaining shirts hanging up. "Oooh! This one. Huh. Since when have you owned a black shirt?"

"It’s one Chris bought me in the hopes that I’d stop wearing 'colours found in a baby shower' apparently. I don’t really think it worked. Do you?"

"Nope, not one bit," Jensen told him, eyeing the pale blue shirt Jared was currently wearing and handing him the black one to change into.

Once Jared had changed his clothes and had then spent a further five minutes flailing about his hair, which Jensen solved by smacking him over the back of the head and then dragging a brush through it, all the while muttering about being his mother, then it was nearly time for Jared to actually leave if he wanted to make it to the restaurant he would be meeting Richard in.

"Right, you look lovely and Steve told me that I had to take photos of our baby boy going out on his first ever date. Actually… your mom asked me the same thing as well, so say cheese!" Jensen said, suddenly pulling a camera from - as far as Jared could tell - nowhere and scarily turning into a paparazzo on him. Jared had to blink quickly to try and get rid of the sunspots that were blinding him.

"Fuck! Jensen! Stop… how the hell does my mom know about this?!"

"I tweeted about it."

"What? That doesn’t… my mom has a Twitter account? She _follows_ you?" Jared asked, gaping at Jensen, who was snickering at Jared’s shock.

"Yep. Now, off you go if you wanna get to your date on time. Have fun! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! Hell, do _something_ I’d do before your dick drops off! And should you actually do that, don’t forget 'don’t be a fool, wrap your tool'!" Jared growled at Jensen’s completely unhelpful advice and spun to fling the door open, walking out of it and allowing the door to shut behind him, cutting off Jensen’s loud laughter.

* * *

"So then he tells me that my mom has a damn Twitter account! I mean, I can barely connect to the internet successfully, never mind actually create an account like that. What the hell is it anyway?" Jared exclaimed as he sat back to allow the waiter to take his plate away and looked over to see Richard smiling at him, chuckling quietly.

"I have a Twitter account."

"You do?! What is it? Jensen’s obsessed and quite frankly I’m starting to get a little concerned about him," Jared admitted, shocking a loud laugh out of Richard.

"It’s just… somewhere people can make random statements to complete strangers and make complete fools of themselves… and their friends apparently," Richard added, eyes glittering as he smiled at Jared.

"Huh. Not gonna get one of those then. Nope. So, that’s pretty much all there is to know about me. I mean, that you didn’t already know. Or well, didn’t already know and sort of needed to know. Not that you needed to know about my mom’s twitter account. Um…" Jared trailed off, well aware that his nerves were starting to get the better of him and soon his altogether too spastic side would soon be showing. Which was a shame considering how well the night had been going so far.

"Don’t worry about it, your stories are highly amusing. Nothing boring about them at least. So, do you want to get dessert?"

"Dessert sounds good to me! Um… then what?" Jared asked, really not sure what one was supposed to do on a date, other than eat apparently. Or if you were Jensen, get drunk, sleep with the person you were on the date with - hopefully; a random stranger if you weren’t so lucky - and then go home to tell your housemate all the gritty details. There was a chance Jensen was the reason Jared had never felt the urge to go on a date before.

"Then? Then I guess we’ll see what we feel up to. If that’s nothing, then we’ll head back to our respective houses, or if it’s something, we can work that out together," Richard told him, smiling at him gently and almost immediately soothing Jared’s nerves. Which was annoying, because Jared couldn’t shake the feeling that he was starting to act like a Brontë character on her wedding night. Made more annoying by the fact he also felt he was acting like a damn female.

"Oh right! That’s good then. I think. It is, right?" Jared asked, casually eyeing the spoon on the table in front of him and wondering if he’d get away with gouging his eyes out. Anything to stop his incessant and virginal ramblings.

"Jared… you do know we’re gonna take this slow right? I’m not going to force you into anything or rush you. Just, take it at a speed you feel comfortable," Richard reassured him, which really just made Jared want to slam his head onto the table. He was definitely the girl in this relationship.

"Oh! Okay! That’s… that’s good. Definitely. So what does that mean, again?" Jared asked, jumping slightly when they were interrupted by the waiter asking them if they knew what they’d like for dessert.

After they’d both told the man what they wanted and he’d left to give their orders to the kitchen, Jared turned back to look at Richard, feeling the need to sit on his hands so that he didn’t fiddle with something. Richard however, just smiled at him once more and placed a calming hand on top of Jared’s.

"Ah, you know, we’ll just take it one step at a time and just… deal with things as they come," Richard told him as an answer to his question and Jared smiled at him brightly, before deciding to take Jensen’s advice slightly to heart for once and channelled his inner-Jensen for his response.

"Sounds good. And to ensure that we don’t get stuck in a rut or something, we’ll just have to keep it vaguely imaginary every step that we go." The laugh that brought out of Richard was completely worth the fact that he’d practically quoted the most insane man he’d ever met.

Which had to be something, considering he worked with clinically insane people on a daily basis. Maybe he’d been born for this job and his meeting of Jensen had just helped him get to where he was now.

That didn’t mean he was ever going to tell Jensen he thought that. Nor would he thank the man. He’d just be silently thankful and enjoy whatever else knowing Jensen would bring about. At least he knew he’d have someone to run to should he need to hide now.

Clearly there really was an upside to relationships.

And what made it ever better; Richard wasn’t a vegan.


End file.
